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SusieP, if your Mom is in her late 80's or 90's, the reason she doesn't want to go to a nursing home could be because back when she was very young, maybe her grandparents or great-grandparents could no longer be cared at home.

What happened back then, the elders had to move to the County Home which was pretty much an asylum. Everyone with serious memory issues were placed all together, from young people with metal health issues to elders who were "senile". Not a pleasant place to be. Thank-goodness times have changed for the better.

Some elders feel they will lose their independence. My Dad was so happy when he moved into senior living after owning a home to which he was tired of the responsibilities, and Dad said he loved the freedom he now had :) And how he loved the food. His favorite times of the day were breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I'm not sure any elder is happy about moving into a care environment. In reality, however, they seem to acclimate well and wind up enjoying their new home more than they had originally anticipated. That's been my experience with my own parents and other family members who were placed in Assisted Living/SNFs. They have activities to occupy their time, and other elders to shoot the breeze with, not to mention qualified caregivers to help them with ADLs. In fact, my 90 year old aunt was placed in Skilled Nursing after my cousin could no longer care for her at home, and she lived another 4 years (she was bedridden at home and more active once she got to the SNF)!!
Best of luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Sorry you're going through this. It seems very common that the caregiver can no longer provide the care and the LO doesn't want things to change and no one wants to go to a nursing home.

You have to do what you have to do and find a way not to feel guilty about it. You have to put yourself first sometimes!
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Reply to againx100
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These life changes are sad, and they are worth mourning. Don't ask her to be happy about it. It is just one more loss. It's OK to be sad. But it isn't OK to go on doing what you cannot do. So sorry for everyone's pain.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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U already know. Place her in a nice facility where she will be SAFE and have nurses to care for her medical needs. She will be fine, she'll get used to it, make friends etc. Of course she doesn't want to go, she's got everything the way she likes with u doing it all for her.
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Reply to Stephanie4181
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