I. Hate. This. My mother has used me as a crutch for her disability (hearing loss) since I was 10 years old. I had to be her ears/translator for doctors appointments, meetings, the phone, the door, transportation, shopping, and EVERYTHING ELSE. High School, College, and Professional years have all been disrupted because I always need to tear away from my life to supplement hers. I was considered intellectually gifted, now I feel that her extensive family network massaged/groomed my 'gift' into being her crisis worker. My mother has always manipulated me to take care or be around her for one reason or another. She'd have other relatives call and stage a crisis so that I could gallop into town to save her. It turned out she only needed a ride to the grocery store, and didn't want anyone else to take her. She has a history of refusing help from others because she only wants me to do it. "She sure loves her daughter" they say. They have no clue what the dynamic is. I never got married. All of my romantic relationships turned out to be awful because everything I try to do rests on my mom's contingencies. I have no children of my own, and my clock is almost up. Any attempt to live up to my potential or even take care of my own health is considered 'selfish' and lectures come in from family on what I should and shouldn't be doing. She had high blood pressure. High cholesterol. Refused to take two pills a day. Against all the hypertensive crises she's had, she still maintained a diet of candy, potato chips, soda, and coffee until she finally suffered a stroke a few months ago. "Take care of your mother", family says. "Why wouldn't she give me a g*dd@mn break and do basic sh!t to take care of herself", I shreik inside of my head. No one sees while she was in good health: I suffered sexual abuse at the hands of family members, and she did nothing to protect me. I had to study up on it and fend for myself. I grew to need several major surgeries requiring extensive recovery time, and all requests for her to help me during those times were easily waved off with some dumb excuse. I think of all the major achievements I was able to secure, and not once was she ever there for any of it. No graduations. No honorary or recognition ceremonies. No public speaking events. "Look ma! I did it"! "Good! I need you to help me figure out my insurance. Call this number for me..." -or- "Mom, I know it's Thanksgiving, but I'm too tired to drive there. It may not be safe". "Oh, just make sure your doors are locked when you are driving. You'll be fine. See you in the morning". That's the standard dialog. To everyone else, she's sweet, considerate, and easy-going. To me, she's a bossy sponge. I love her, but I've tried so hard to maintain distance my entire life. The closer I am in proximity, the more she says from me. I worked hard through my own illnesses as an adult. Kept them to myself because I learned she would never care the way a mother could. Chronic pain for 6 years. I finally get out of that, made it through the depression, the PTSD got medically cleared, started a healthy routine that involved less of me tearing away from my life to help my mother and more focus on myself. My weight improved. I became stronger. I was staying hydrated, for Christ's sake. Then she has a stroke. Wouldn't call 911. She called me. Turned out she told family who tried to help at the time that she was waiting for me. That I knew what was going on, and would help when I got there. She chose ME over 911 to "save her". My life has been hijacked. I'm to suspend my little bit of progress to perform the duties of the husband she never secured. This while attempting to work. I don't want to lose my career. I've worked hard my entire life for this ONE thing that's my own. I dreamed of the position I have the entire time I was in graduate school. Now, it's hanging on a thread. My performance is questionable because I'm bombarded by HER needs. Monitoring HER meds. Taking her to HER appointments. Talking to HER doctors. Protecting HER. "Thank God she has you"! Who the hell do I have?!?! If I have to put her in a nursing home, that comes out of MY savings. Respite care, that's MY savings. "Good thing you didn't have to leave a family at home or even a husband". How can I ever find the time to establish those things if she always finds a way or reason to screw things up more? In the hospital, she was an ideal patient. She was a fall risk and SUPER PROMISED the staff she wouldn't get out of bed on her own. When she got home, she decides to get up alone at 1am. Didn't call my name for assistance or ring her assistant bell as she had for hospital staff for 2 months. She waited until after she fell. And guess who was blamed by her docs? And guess who sat there not taking any accountability? I want out. Suicide seems like an easy way out of the guilt and obligation. I am already simmering in hell. I hate waking up. "But she's so sweet..."