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I am 24/7 in mother's tiny 2/2 house in a 55 and over community. My own empty home with 4 bedrooms and a pool sits empty 30 mins away. Asked my brother to come visit with his mother so I could get a break and change of scenery ( I am working on long range plans)... he told me I can just go in the other room ( guest bedroom with a hi- riser bed and her beanie baby collection) and close the door any time I need a break..that I could still hear mom call if she needs to go to the bathroom !!!


Anyone else have an absurd sibling comment to share ???

This is probably going to hit a sour note with some of you - so apologies in advance, but this was the most annoying, grating statement I heard from any of my siblings:

"I'll pray for you".

Now let me clarify that: it was not annoying or grating because they said they'd pray for me. I'm not an atheist or anything. I welcomed the prayers. If it had been said in parting after a day where they came and helped clean house, cook meals, gave me a breather so I could get away for a bit, or took Mom out for a ride or just spent time with her so I could take a break - sure, I'd be thrilled to hear, "I'll pray for you." But that's not how it went.

What I NEEDED was HELP. Prayers - great, fine - pray for me - but HELP ME care for OUR mother. Not just MY mother - she was their mother too. There were no stepchildren or half-children in our family - we were all immediate blood relatives. I received no financial help, physical help, or assistance with respite so I could take a vacation. I had to HIRE (and pay for) help for that, and worried the whole time that I was away for 4 days, so it wasn't much of a vacation.

I can count on one hand the number of times that any of my siblings stepped up to the plate to do anything for Mom that was of any help to me:

1 ride where they took Mom out of the house for a couple of hours so I could repaint the living room. (Not exactly respite for me - more for Mom's safety)

1 doctor's appointment when I had to work and couldn't get away (which was not a good idea, because the sibling didn't know how to answer the doc's questions and called me 5 times for answers - so I should have just gone myself)

1 day trip with Mom where a sibling came along (and ended up cleaning up Mom's BM mess - I *did* feel bad about that)

1 time when a sibling took Mom to see a parade because I had to work.

Not a dime of financial help - ever.

Those were the 4 times when I had "help" during 3.5 years of caregiving. So if I seem a little bitter about the "I'll pray for you" thing - I hope you understand. I believe in God and have faith - but using that statement about praying for me to brush off responsibilities doesn't set well with me.
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Reply to AnonymousMember
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If I relate anything like that, I'll probably get stressed all over again! Sometimes I just have to forget the comments that are made to me, including from neighbors who know absolutely nothing about caregiving.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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This is a good thread! I am glad I am not alone with annoying comments.

My aunts say, " You will have plenty of time to travel when your Mom dies."
"She won't last like this much longer."
"You will have plenty of time to go out when your Mom dies."
If I ask them for a day of respite...
"What if she dies on me? It is too hard to see her like this!"

I see her everyday like THIS! It is hard for YOU?
So annoying!
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Reply to anonymous786886
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My Husband (who works out of town 5 days a week) on why I said I couldn't go on a camping trip overnight and leave my Mom alone; "Well, the trip is in a week. You don't know, she might be better by then."
Shoot me now!
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Reply to Issybeau
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We were told, “I don’t do old” by one of our sisters.
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Reply to Susieqzie
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My Aunt with dementia had surgery. She was obviously affected by the anesthesia and was much worse.
Family members were taking turns staying with her while we found a caretaker. One (usually very vocal) niece was asked to take a shift. She never showed up. She was called and asked “what happened?”
She said “Oh, I called aunt and asked if I needed to come over and she told me she didn’t need any help”. Niece didn’t find it necessary to let anyone else know.
“ Didn’t aunt tell you?”
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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I have heard many times that they cant help because they just have too much going on in their lives... I guess in their minds I do not so it is easier to give my life over with absolutely no support or help.

The very worst was when I had my Dad (with dementia) in the hospital with pneumonia, my Mom (with dementia) at home with bronchitis, me with a cold (and a project due that week for work).. and begging for help. That's when I got the I can't help because it just isn't a good time for me.. just too much going on! That's the sibling that answered at all.. the other one just did not return my call or text.

Its hard not to feel resentment and wishing they could feel how totally desperate, scared and alone I was at that time.. they will never know though.

I feel your pain.
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Reply to katiekay
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All the times one of my parents were in the hospital for some medical emergency.. i got "keep me posted"

thats annoying just like ill pray for you if you dedperately need help and support.

i got the "keep me posted" every time..which basically is just something else for me to do..afte a while i caught on and did not keep anyone "posted" if they werent here ... and they werent...ever.
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Reply to katiekay
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This is cousin not sibling. My aunt was still not yet buried
as we left graveside while her casket was still above ground, and my cousin called
to rant about her inheritance!!! $10,000 split four ways. What the serious.....??
I told her we're all tired, why don't you call back later today or tomorrow and she
began cursing and calling me names. Unreal :(
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Reply to bettina
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I never knew anyone else was annoyed with the, "keep me posted" I still don't exactly know why it bugs me so much - it's lame? lazy? no effort on their side required?
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Reply to anonymous811718
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