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My mother is 88 years old and I am her only caregiver. My brother and his wife are in denial and only call when it is convenient for them, which is once every 3 or 4 months. I am very depressed and feel so isolated. Am 62 and feel that each year I am not in the job market, it will be that much tougher when I am older to find a job. Further, my mother can't take care of herself and I am her maid, nurse, housekeeper and chef. I am so exhausted and too tired to try to seek social connections. This site is the only means of venting my feelings. I can't hire anyone to come in and help as my mother's pension is small and she could not afford to pay someone $15 or $20 dollars an hour. I feel like just leaving her alone for a few hours a week to do something enjoyable for myself. I do cry daily and pray for some relief. My son and his girlfriend and baby live here as well and I also help care for my grandchild. Between taking care of mother and the baby I feel like running away at times and dream of having no responsibility except to take care of my own self. I know this sounds somewhat selfish and that I should be thankful to care for my mother as she sacrificed for me while I was growing up. I am reminded of this almost daily and feel guilty for wanting my life back. I don't know what to do but I know I would love to work part-time to earn some income and be able to not depend on anyone when it comes time for me to be on my own. Thank you for any advice you can offer me and God Bless you for caring.

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Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask if they have daytime centers for the elderly. Many areas have programs where the elderly can spend the day doing activities with others and are provided a lunch. Some have transportation to and from the center. If your mom is low income, you may even be able to get help to pay for the program. If mom could go to a day center a few days each week maybe you could find a part time job on those days. At least you could get out of the house and have some time for yourself.
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Also I would contact Hospice and see what they could do to help give you some time for yourself - anyone with ongoing health problems can get help paid for by Medicare.
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I hope your son and his girlfriend are paying rent to you! Some towns have 'volunteer caregivers' so you might type that in search and see if there is something similar where you live. Your Council On Aging might know of a local church with people who are willing to sit with the elderly. I can identify with having no social life, and it's really tough - I hope you can find a solution, because one person should not have to shoulder all the responsibilities.
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You need some help from son and girlfriend. It sounds like you're holding everyone up - no wonder you're tired and depressed.

Check around for help from faith communities. I used to volunteer in a respite program, where I'd go sit with a senior while their caregiver got out. It wouldn't cover enough time for a part-time job, but it would cover time for you to go to lunch with a friend or to go to the library or for a walk or window shopping. Knowing that you have some time away for your own life can do wonders for your mental state.

I started my social security at 62 (I'm 63) and it relieved a HUGE amount of stress for me. Knowing I have that money coming each month is a lifesaver. So think about that. It's not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
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If you have family living there have them take care of mother while you go do something you enjoy. Your the primary caregiver and need a break.. your not old but older and that's a lot to put on yourself. I would be exhausted too. Your son or his girlfriend could easily make her lunch and help her out while your gone besides they are living there they need to help out. I'm only 23 and pregnant with my first me and my bf are staying with my gma while waiting for our house to be done but I've been here for years, been her primary care giver for five years. I havnt been able to work or go to school.. my gma does a lot for me like gives me everything I need but it looks bad in the job market at my age and having no resume.. I think its worth it because most don't understand how hard of a job it is but you learn so much. I have learned everything I knowfrom gma and I'm the person I am from giving time love and everything to someone else. Some days I wish it would just end but others I know ill miss her like crazy. It will take years I'm sure to not wonder what is gma doing. What's she gonna eat so on.. unless she passes away soon then ill know she's in a better place and we can both be at peace.
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I am 62 also. You are right, employers don't want anyone older. Younger people can work hard and will accept lower wages. File for your social security, you are old enough at 62.
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