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My husband's parents live with us, and have for 13 years. They don't contribute financially to the household. MIL is 73, and has been a quadriplegic since 86. She is beginning to suffer from dementia. My FIL is 79, has had colon cancer, has a colostomy bag and suffered a stroke 2 yrs. ago. I am full time caregiver to my momma, and she receives hospice care due to severe dementia. My momma is an angel with attitude and gratitude, but I must admit, I do get tired. My in-laws everyday needs are becoming more than I can give. My sister in law was supposed to take her parents at the the first of the year, but then decided she couldn't. There are a total of 8 kids, but none contribute anything towards their care, or giving my husband and I a break, they barely even visit them. I am becoming bitter and angry at the other family members. It all falls on our shoulders. I am dealing with the day in and day out of the silly crazy outbursts from my mil..and I have had to pick up my fil in the yard when he fell and couldn't get up. My husband works late most days, so he deals with very little of this. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I have had a panic attack, and I find myself hiding in my room, after I have fulfilled my mom's care. Talking about this with my husband is moot..talking with the family is moot..any tips to deal with this? I can't go anywhere for extended length of time, as I am an only child, and have no one to care for my mom.

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Tell your husband you are DONE with this, that it is time for his parents to go into a nursing home. You can only be a doormat if you let people walk all over you. With 3 seniors on the property you should have a full time aide and a weekly visiting nurse. Caregivers often die before their patients do and you are at extreme risk with the present situation.
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I am sure your in-laws collect social security and most of this money needs to go to you/husband for their care. That way you can hire some help and feed them. Why should you foot the bill for everything without any help from anyone else in the family? Then you tell your husband you can no longer care for his parents, have HIM find another solution and you do whatever you want. Trust me, when push comes to shove, if your husband loves you and wants you for more than a housekeeper, then see what he does about HIS responsibility. Take a stand and don't back down. Best of luck to you!
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Well, here it is April..after many arguments with my husband, the mil being off her rocker many days in a row, my sister in law coming down to Fl., and my father in law falling down, and my husband having to pick him up...my husband finally gave in to realizing that a nursing facility is what's best for his mother..I'm having to do all the leg work and paper work...but I found a facility..it's been a long, miserable, tiring road, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. ;)
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i quite agree with pstegman -- you are kind hearted but being abused on every level.
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This is unreal. Eight kids and a daughter in law is called upon to care for the parents. You need to have a meeting with husband and all his siblings and let them know you have your OWN mother to worry about. You can no longer be their slave.

Why would they do this to you? If something can't be done by another child then it is time for Assisted Living or alternative living. Your husband must be taking you for granted.

When I married my husband he let me know that in-laws are in-laws. They are not included in any family matters, any financial information, nothing. So many, many years later when his mother became ill, of course, one of his sisters asked me to quit my job and come down (a two hour drive) and help. They needed help. Now these people had ample money to hire a caregiver. But they were cheap and would rather have their daughter in laws, who were never included in family issues, help with the dirty work. I said, NO. And I never regretted it.

They are taking advantage of you. Make them stop.
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This is the understatement of the year, "but I must admit, I do get tired". Get tired? You should be collapsed in a heap in the corner with all of the responsibility your husband's family has heaped upon you! No one can change the situation but you, because everyone else is happy with the way things are. And why shouldn't they be? You're doing all of the work and taking all of the responsibility.

Take a stand and get some help. I'd vote for getting MIL and FIL out of your home and into a facility. It sounds like your dear momma may be leaving this world before long - I'm sorry about that, she sounds like a wonderful woman. Get your husband to step up to the plate to accept his responsibility to take care of HIS parents. Good luck and keep us posted...
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Oh my Lord! Honey, it's time for someone else to take over the duties of caring for your in-laws. You are in an extreme situation. Tell husband that he needs to decide, with his family, where their mum and dad will live. You've sacrificed enough. Focus on the time you have left with your mom.
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Ziggie, so happy to hear hubby relented to mom, 1 down, 1 to go.
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Good first move. The next time fil falls call 911. Make sure they take him to hospital and determine what level of care he needs and don't say "I'll do it"
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Your husband is giving and caring...and stays late at work every night? While you care for your mom and both his parents AND your mom? There's something wrong with this picture.
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