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I changed her primary care physician from a GP to a very reputable geriatrician. During the first exam/visit my mother had a rather extreme meltdown after about an hour in - this is the second time I’ve seen this happen in a medical facility, the other time was during an x-ray procedure. What prompted it this time was the doctor said to her that she seemed agitated and then asked her what was bothering her. She started yelling and sobbing – it seemed like a cross between a tantrum and a panic attack. She started repeating over and over that she was afraid to saying anything, as she would be in “big trouble when she got home.”
When she finally calmed down, the doctor suggested that she see a therapist, and possibly be put on some kind of psychiatric medication, to control her anxiety. My mother flat out refused to see a therapist. The doctor stated clearly to me that she does not display any symptoms of dementia, or Alzheimer’s disease, and that her problems are related to some kind of long standing psychiatric disorder. My mother has a history of refusing to follow any of her doctor’s advice, be it wearing compression stockings, elevating her feet, not sitting in the same position for hours on end, etc. She has developed 3 bedsores on her backside as she sits and sleeps in the same position for endless hours. The doctor told her the only way the bedsores will start to heal is if she continuously shifts her seating position. My mother is not in a wheel chair, and is not confined to a bed.
The doctor said at the minimum she should have someone come in and clean and cook for her at least three days a week. But my mother flat out refuses to allow this to happen; the numerous social workers from the visiting nurse associations that have been involved over the years have also suggested this. The doctor stated that this is the biggest obstacle preventing my mother from not having continuous preventable health issues from constantly reoccurring.
My mother has multiple health issues: Congestive Heart Failure, Polymyalgia Rheumatica, her teeth need to be pulled out due to decay from neglect, she needs to get cataract surgery; lots of typical age related stuff. They are all being monitored.
Does anyone have experience with getting a reluctant person to a therapist and on psychotropic drugs? My mother wants to stay at home, but is unwilling to compromise on anything. Is it worth the battle?

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90 is old, and I respect her for living that long. I agree, take the anti-anxiety pill and just slip it into the med mix. Thanks everyone.
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I'm with everyone else on here...try to get her the med without seeing a psychiatrist, as she won't want to go or be compliant. Dealing with seniors 90+ can be so tough sometimes, because they've had their bad habits for decades and decades!
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I was told to take my grandma to a therapist after the Dr said that her memory issues were not from anything like Dementia or Alzhimers , we went because without saying anything to her I made the appointment then just showed up with her (by this point I knew all her medical information and could fill out a new patient form without even asking her a single question) well long story short my 92 year old grandma basically told the therapist the whole thing was unnecessary and that she felt there was no reason for her to visit a therapist. Once she said that, there was really nothing the therapist was able to do. As we were leaving the therapist told me it's common for people her age to not want to see a therapist because they're old school and believe that therapists are a waste of time and that therapy can't help them... she said if my grandma changed her mind she will gladly take her as a new patient but she doubted my grandma would....

I'd see if this dr can give her anxiety medication and if he doesn't help then you might need to find a Dr who will.
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Thanks everyone for your helpful answers. Yes, why fight her on anything, she’s 90. I will ask her geriatrician if she could prescribe something to keep my mother on a more even keel.
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It doesn't seem worth trying to get her therapy...she won't do anything else that's been recommended. Why fight her on this? I would probably push the doctor she saw for medication, "until she can be convinced to go to therapy".
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If you are in Mich. you can get them into a geriatric psych ward then get a dr.'s order for them to stay there for a period of time after the temporary hold. She would be in good company and maybe they would have some answers for your situation.
If you can't do that, I would become her POA, but probably not become her guardian because that makes you liable if something happens to her. You should get that doctor or other one familiar with herd to sign a statement of incompetency and you could be the POA, esp. for healthcare. Just an idea. The patient does have the right to refuse meds even if they are completely senile.
No sense in worrying your life away about someone like that who just doesn't seem to care about anything. I would try my best to get her into a nursing facility and then they can switch her to a geriatric pysch ward, perhaps. She will probably try to make you feel like the lowest person on earth, but actually her distorted outlook is the big problem.
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Why can't the dr she has, prescribe something for anxiety... if she is already non-compliant, I wouldn't waste time on trying to get her to do this.... what upsets me about Dr's, is they are in a position to help, our elders, regardless of their health issues or mental health are suffering..... and causing family members undo stress.... ask this Dr. if he will put her on something... sneak it into her food if you have too... she is NOT going to be compliant with her mind whirling and dipping and careening off her skull...first things first... if I was 90, I wouldn't go to a therapist either !!! Good luck and prayers for answers soon for both of you.
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