Why won't she go and am I terrible for wanting it to end?

Blannie - what choice do I have? Thankfully with appropriate meds and declining cognition, the Borderline Personality disorder doesn't show much the last few years, and she is in an excellent state of the art NH, and, being in Canada, it is very affordable. There are far fewer emotional ups and downs now, and you can access an airplane from anywhere I would go in the world.

I had to laugh about your hair - mine was whiter than mother's for years. Now I dye it, streak it, whatever, and it is down to my shoulders - longer than I have ever had it. Mentioned on another thread that I have gone Iris Apfel today with 3 bracelets, 2 necklaces and big hoop earrings. I'm not giving up on myself!

Mom, you are not terrible for wanting it over. I want it over too, and actually, so does mother.

OMG, Golden, how do you do it? My mom died when I was 67 and it just about killed me. I can't imagine going until 80 with caregiving. Go to Mexico - live YOUR life!

I don't know what kept my mom going - she was very ready to go for about 6-7 years (after my dad died). She was a tough old bird too. The emotional ups and downs are very, very draining. My hair is whiter than my mom's was and I attribute it to the stress of caregiving. When mom finally passed away, I just stood there looking at her for a long time, trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was finally over. That day will come for you. I was just happy to know I did my best for her. I'm sure you'll feel that way too. {{{Hugs}}} to my fellow caregivers.

@Diana -I think we are tough to survive them!!! I don't plan on being brought down by this. Sig other wants to spend 1/2 the year in Mexico. I have stayed local for years, but I can't put my life on hold forever. My time is getting shorter too.

Our parents generation have been tough ‘old birds’. They’re much tougher than us.

(((((hugs))))) mom. Who knows what keeps them going? My mother is 105 coming up 106 and has advanced vascular dementia. But, other that that, and needing thyroid meds and antidepressants, her organs all are strong. She has never had a stroke, doesn't get infections, and her heart, lungs, liver and kidneys, blood sugar and blood pressure all are good. She has lost mobility due to the VaD and has hearing loss, but she still recognises us, though she doesn't say much. We see that she is slowly declining cognitively, but her body keeps on going. I myself am 80 and wonder when my caregiving role will be over. I don't see it on the horizon.

Wow.. that must be terribly stressful for you to live on the edge like that for so long. I have no idea how someone in there 90's with all those life threatening conditions can just live on and on.

My Dad was on hospice almost 4 years ago when he declined to have a pacemaker implanted when his heart beat plunged dangerously low for an extended period of time.... well about 4 years, 7 ER visits and hospital stays he is still around (with worsening dementia). I too am exhausted with the ups and down.. Not that I don't want him around.. it is just very exhausting and mentally and emotionally draining...

Its amazing .. your Mom..hanging in there for so long. I know what you mean about the stress of it... and probably her quality of life going down hill as well. Wonder what is keeping her here so long.. if it were me I would be so ready to go.

((hugs))