Mom was put on Hospice care 3 years ago by her Cardiologist due to Severe Aortic Stenosis and she has lived with me since. She has been re certified without question every evaluation time. She has had UTI's , 2 TIA's and multiple falls. Almost 3 times a week her bowel movements consist of blood and mucus (but no visible stool). Hospice says she's a "walking time bomb" waiting to go off. The stress and anxiety of thinking this is her last day (for 3 years) has been hard enough. (I'd like to tell the Cardiologist he can take a turn caring for her now.) How does someone who is 90 years old, had type 2 diabetes for 20 years, high blood pressure AND now the Severe Aortic Stenosis survive so long?
I don't know what kept my mom going - she was very ready to go for about 6-7 years (after my dad died). She was a tough old bird too. The emotional ups and downs are very, very draining. My hair is whiter than my mom's was and I attribute it to the stress of caregiving. When mom finally passed away, I just stood there looking at her for a long time, trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was finally over. That day will come for you. I was just happy to know I did my best for her. I'm sure you'll feel that way too. {{{Hugs}}} to my fellow caregivers.
I had to laugh about your hair - mine was whiter than mother's for years. Now I dye it, streak it, whatever, and it is down to my shoulders - longer than I have ever had it. Mentioned on another thread that I have gone Iris Apfel today with 3 bracelets, 2 necklaces and big hoop earrings. I'm not giving up on myself!
Mom, you are not terrible for wanting it over. I want it over too, and actually, so does mother.
I have been caring for my husband for seven or eight years. He has just recently been diagnosed with middle stage dementia. He sleeps almost the whole day. I also have my mom in a memory care unit but I do all her financial stuff. My husband requires a lot of work--after all, I do everything, absolutely everything, plus all of his care. And it so soooooo confining! He cannot travel--at all--and I cannot leave him for more than a few hours. So, here I am.... Family far, far way! Continents away.
In the last few months, I could see the toll it was taking on me. I looked like hell hell and was gaining weight. I looked old and worn out! I am only 67 but looked 77.
So, I said, "The hell with this!" My new attitude is that I will use this time for self-improvement:
diet--have lost six pounds
exercise: three times a day and go to free fitness room at senior center; getting buff
new hair cut--cute and fresh
dermatology--lots of treatment for face, much better!
new make up--fun and looks great
looking forward to buying new clothes when weight goes down more
getting girlfriends together to go out for coffee--not expensive and gets me out of house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it so much
So, for me, this time of confinement has become a time of renewal!!!!!!!!!!
Do I ever Wish/Wonder when it will end? Yes! You bet I do. But I do not dell on that. Bad for the attitude. When it does end I will emerge into the world and travel--thin and gorgeous (lol at 75?).
Good luck! Thanks for being here!
My Dad was on hospice almost 4 years ago when he declined to have a pacemaker implanted when his heart beat plunged dangerously low for an extended period of time.... well about 4 years, 7 ER visits and hospital stays he is still around (with worsening dementia). I too am exhausted with the ups and down.. Not that I don't want him around.. it is just very exhausting and mentally and emotionally draining...
Its amazing .. your Mom..hanging in there for so long. I know what you mean about the stress of it... and probably her quality of life going down hill as well. Wonder what is keeping her here so long.. if it were me I would be so ready to go.
((hugs))
I believe it!
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