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My husband has bladder cancer (on surgery #3), moderate dementia, and his kidneys work at 40 and 60%. He feels okay at 91. No symptoms, so he doesn't want to talk about hospice, but I do.

Jayne44: Pose your question to his physician.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Ultimately it is his call.

We enrolled the loved one twice. You can be enrolled within 24 hours.

Unless he wants access to exceptionally strong pain meds that will render him unable to speak and initiate then listen to your husband.

Hospice is for immediate end of life care.
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Grandma1954 Jul 3, 2025
Hospice in NOT just for immediate end of life care. Far too many people think this way. I know someone who's husband stopped eating and when she asked him why he said "I'm on Hospice I'm supposed to stop eating so I die sooner"
My Husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years, I know several others who's loved ones were on longer.
As long as there is a documented, continued decline that follows Medicare guidelines a person can remain on Hospice.
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The big question is...
Is he still wanting treatment? If so then he would not qualify for Hospice.
If he is no longer getting treatment then he would qualify. If his doctor says he has a life expectancy of 6 months or fewer IF the disease progresses normally. This by no means that he WILL die within that 6 months. If he continues to decline then he can be recertified and remain on Hospice.
Tell him that with Hospice he will get a Nurse that will come and see him EACH week, more often if he needs it. And the Nurse will order all the medical supplies he needs and those will be delivered FREE,
He will get a CNA that will come and help him, if he needs it with a shower or bath and they will order all the personal items he needs. And they will get delivered FREE.
And if you need help a Volunteer can come and help you out, or stay with him while you run errands,
Best of all.....he can change his mind.
Make a deal with him.
Try Hospice for a month or two. If he does not like it he can tell them he no longer wants them to come. He can drop Hospice and return to using his previous doctor.
*side note here if he is not fully cognizant and you are making other medical decisions for him you can chose Hospice for him as his POA

Personally I think people wait to long to have Hospice in. You do not get to fully take advantage of the benefits that Hospice can offer. So the sooner the better in my opinion. Hospice not only helps the person that has a life limiting diagnosis but Hospice helps the family.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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How do you think Hospice could help? Family does most of the work. You get an aide 2 or 3 times a week for bathing. They stay maybe an hour. You may be able to get them longer but that depends on the Hospice. You administer the meds. You change the depends.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Jayne44 Jul 3, 2025
Right as long as I am here it is all done by me.
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Moderate dementia, you say? If you husband still has capacity to discuss and understand decisions about life and death, and still wishes to be treated for his illnesses, then the decision is his. At the point he is incapacitated to the extent he's no longer competent in his own decisions, then it is yours.

Your husband doesn't sound to me as though his doctor would give him a prognosis of only six months to live, so if you are his POA you might want to start with a discussion with his doctor, as six-month prognosis is a requirement for hospice.

I'm with you; this doesn't sound like a quality of life I would personally want for myself. But the decision isn't ours to make while hubby can still understand the issues involved, and that discussion isn't for you and a mess of strangers. It is for you, hubby and his doc.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Jayne44 Jul 3, 2025
It's been 4 years living under the diagnosis of dementia & cancer and it is closing in on ME. My health is now at risk; prediabetic, high blood pressure. My diet has been DASH for years, I continue to loose weight, all due to stress from my life style. My doc tells me she can give me a pill for stress, that's her answer to the dilemma.
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