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Mom was put on Hospice care 3 years ago by her Cardiologist due to Severe Aortic Stenosis and she has lived with me since. She has been re certified without question every evaluation time. She has had UTI's , 2 TIA's and multiple falls. Almost 3 times a week her bowel movements consist of blood and mucus (but no visible stool). Hospice says she's a "walking time bomb" waiting to go off. The stress and anxiety of thinking this is her last day (for 3 years) has been hard enough. (I'd like to tell the Cardiologist he can take a turn caring for her now.) How does someone who is 90 years old, had type 2 diabetes for 20 years, high blood pressure AND now the Severe Aortic Stenosis survive so long?

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(((((hugs))))) mom. Who knows what keeps them going? My mother is 105 coming up 106 and has advanced vascular dementia. But, other that that, and needing thyroid meds and antidepressants, her organs all are strong. She has never had a stroke, doesn't get infections, and her heart, lungs, liver and kidneys, blood sugar and blood pressure all are good. She has lost mobility due to the VaD and has hearing loss, but she still recognises us, though she doesn't say much. We see that she is slowly declining cognitively, but her body keeps on going. I myself am 80 and wonder when my caregiving role will be over. I don't see it on the horizon.
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OMG, Golden, how do you do it? My mom died when I was 67 and it just about killed me. I can't imagine going until 80 with caregiving. Go to Mexico - live YOUR life!

I don't know what kept my mom going - she was very ready to go for about 6-7 years (after my dad died). She was a tough old bird too. The emotional ups and downs are very, very draining. My hair is whiter than my mom's was and I attribute it to the stress of caregiving. When mom finally passed away, I just stood there looking at her for a long time, trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was finally over. That day will come for you. I was just happy to know I did my best for her. I'm sure you'll feel that way too. {{{Hugs}}} to my fellow caregivers.
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Our parents generation have been tough ‘old birds’. They’re much tougher than us.
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@Diana -I think we are tough to survive them!!! I don't plan on being brought down by this. Sig other wants to spend 1/2 the year in Mexico. I have stayed local for years, but I can't put my life on hold forever. My time is getting shorter too.
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Blannie - what choice do I have? Thankfully with appropriate meds and declining cognition, the Borderline Personality disorder doesn't show much the last few years, and she is in an excellent state of the art NH, and, being in Canada, it is very affordable. There are far fewer emotional ups and downs now, and you can access an airplane from anywhere I would go in the world.

I had to laugh about your hair - mine was whiter than mother's for years. Now I dye it, streak it, whatever, and it is down to my shoulders - longer than I have ever had it. Mentioned on another thread that I have gone Iris Apfel today with 3 bracelets, 2 necklaces and big hoop earrings. I'm not giving up on myself!

Mom, you are not terrible for wanting it over. I want it over too, and actually, so does mother.
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OK, call me crazy but I have done a complete reversal on this.

I have been caring for my husband for seven or eight years. He has just recently been diagnosed with middle stage dementia. He sleeps almost the whole day. I also have my mom in a memory care unit but I do all her financial stuff. My husband requires a lot of work--after all, I do everything, absolutely everything, plus all of his care. And it so soooooo confining! He cannot travel--at all--and I cannot leave him for more than a few hours. So, here I am.... Family far, far way! Continents away.

In the last few months, I could see the toll it was taking on me. I looked like hell hell and was gaining weight. I looked old and worn out! I am only 67 but looked 77.

So, I said, "The hell with this!" My new attitude is that I will use this time for self-improvement:

diet--have lost six pounds

exercise: three times a day and go to free fitness room at senior center; getting buff

new hair cut--cute and fresh

dermatology--lots of treatment for face, much better!

new make up--fun and looks great

looking forward to buying new clothes when weight goes down more

getting girlfriends together to go out for coffee--not expensive and gets me out of house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it so much

So, for me, this time of confinement has become a time of renewal!!!!!!!!!!

Do I ever Wish/Wonder when it will end? Yes! You bet I do. But I do not dell on that. Bad for the attitude. When it does end I will emerge into the world and travel--thin and gorgeous (lol at 75?).

Good luck! Thanks for being here!
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Wow.. that must be terribly stressful for you to live on the edge like that for so long. I have no idea how someone in there 90's with all those life threatening conditions can just live on and on.

My Dad was on hospice almost 4 years ago when he declined to have a pacemaker implanted when his heart beat plunged dangerously low for an extended period of time.... well about 4 years, 7 ER visits and hospital stays he is still around (with worsening dementia). I too am exhausted with the ups and down.. Not that I don't want him around.. it is just very exhausting and mentally and emotionally draining...

Its amazing .. your Mom..hanging in there for so long. I know what you mean about the stress of it... and probably her quality of life going down hill as well. Wonder what is keeping her here so long.. if it were me I would be so ready to go.

((hugs))
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OMG 105. You described my Aunt perfectly. Thyroid, anti-depressant, some vascular dementia. She's 99 and going strong. She eats like a horse, jokes all the time and has a wonderful disposition. I have been looking after her for ten years and I love her to death, but I'm so tired. I have pretty much given up everything to look after her (and two other elders who have now passed) and while she is in an adult foster care home now, I have more free time, but I don't feel I can leave for long or not visit simply because the care slacks off or new people don't know her. I would give anything to be free to make a decision solely based on what I want. I'm 70 and so ready to be done.
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I saw an image of Iris Apfel with the caption - When you don't dress like everyone else, you don't have to think like everyone else. 
 I believe it!
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My mom lived far longer than anyone predicted, and she most certainly wanted out of her miserable situation. It was truly cruel how long she stayed on. I have no explanation for it, but I do how painful it is to watch. I hope you’ll get rest for yourself and know you’ve done your best for your mom.
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