I am trying to find help, to no avail. I am 80 years old. My selfish blind son of 65 lives with me. He is also on dialysis. I cook, wash his clothes, all he does is eat and sleep. I have a pace maker and am tired all the time. I need a house keeper and no one will work for me. I have tried people before, they either charge too much or they say their schedule is full. I don't sleep well and wake at odd early hours, get up to get a cup of coffee. He will hear me it could be 2,3,or 4 A.M whatever, then he wants me to fix him something to eat and it sets me off making me very angry. I don't want to do it any more. He is pulling my health down and it's my home. I want him out. What is my help choice at this time with this virus? He keeps me so upset I forget to take my meds.

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I just read your profile. You are in California. I looked up your city.

Start by calling, COVE (209) 722-8118.
They are a resource center for the blind. Explain your situation.

You mention in your profile that your son tried to kill himself.

Both of you are struggling. Please seek help for mental and physical needs.

Go to your profile and remove your names.
Helpful Answer (3)

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this difficult situation.

Is there an organization that will address your son’s issues in your area?

Look for an organization that helps in aiding blind people live independently.

Clearly, he is dependent on your help and you are at an advanced age and could use a bit of help for yourself.

Contact Council on Aging in your area for an assessment for your needs.

Exhaustion and stress are causing you to forget your meds.

Taking meds on a consistent basis is important. Please take care of yourself as best you can.

These programs have waiting list so I would call as soon as possible.

You may want to call churches in your area to see if they have any ideas for you to follow.

Call your doctor and they can give you a contact number for a social worker.

Call your son’s doctor as well and explain your situation.

You sound completely exhausted and I hope that you will find solutions soon.

Let us know how it goes. We care.
Helpful Answer (1)

Wow, the amount of care you are doing at the age of 80 sounds impossible. I, at 78, could not do it. I don't know how long you have been doing it, but it does sound that you recognize that it cannot go on. Being both blind and having kidney failure severe enough for dialysis means that your poor son is so ill that he cannot be of much help to you. You correctly ID that this time of the virus can mean a death sentence to one already so debilitated as your son. I would say, if you are able, pay those high prices for help at least a few times a week for shopping, cooking, cleaning. Try to do this for the say 6 months we need to get our nursing homes vaccinated, and our SELVES (you both will be high on the list to get vaccine; do it as soon as you are able.). Then, sadly, I think you already know that the only answer for your son now is placement. At 78 I know that time looms nearer for ME as well, and I am certain that has entered your mind. I am so sorry for your situation and wish you so much luck going forward.
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Not trying to be rude here but you have asked this question 3x before and have gotten answers to each question. I really don't know how much more we can do. We are caregivers just like you. We are not an agency that provides what you are asking.

You need to call you County Office of Aging. They may be able to help you get an aide to help with cleaning, help with your son. There is also Medicaid for in home care. If your son is on Medicaid for health insurance, talk to his caseworker about in home help.

Sorry, thats the best we can do. You need to make the calls. Go back and read your previous questions. There were some suggestions there. Go to your profile and your questions are under "following". Good Luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2021
This OP is so stressed out that she most likely can’t remember older posts, or doesn’t want to read older posts at this time.

It’s easier for her to get new information. Read her profile. She’s struggling.
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You have a lot going on and yes, you DO need help! You live in CA so those on the forum who live there will be able to provide answers since the state/county help that may be available can differ from state to state. You can call your county's social services (at the Dept of Health and Human Services) to come for an in-home assessment and you may qualify for some housekeeping and light meal prep help, for starters. But you may have to consider that your son needs to move into AL or LTC at a facility as a Medicaid recipient. Not sure if the county can pursue guardianship of him in order to make this happen. He will get care, be fed and be around people. You yourself may want to consider moving into a care community. Who will be taking care of YOU? It sounds like it is only you, so you must be realistic and consider all options, even ones that you may not have previously thought of. May you have better health, better help and peace in your heart as you move towards a better situation. May you receive many blessings!
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