My mom is about 64 years old. 4 years ago, she had two brain strokes. Things have never been the same after that. She had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and had been treated since then. The problem is that, there are so many ups and downs all the time, one day she is good, the other she is not. My last 3 years of my bachelors degree were very hard for me to handle. Now that I graduated I don't know if the instability in the situation would allow me to commit for a job. My dad is living with us. He is 71 years old. He gets ill sometimes but all in all he handles things. He is the one who cooks for us and I support with the cleaning. I don't know what I should do. When mom gets ill, she gets so needy and wants all of our attention and when we don't do that she gets into an episode of crying and saying that she doesn't want to stay with us and that we should do something. We are all tired of this and we got exhausted. I can't get out of home if dad is out and vise versa. One should always be there. When things are not good, I can't study so should I look for a job knowing that me not being there would make my dad collapse eventually. I have two brothers and a sister but they're all married and they visit us once a week. If you have a solution, please, tell me.

You said it yourself, look for a job and let them be.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ZippyZee

Does the family expect you, being single (and probably the youngest?), to be the elder caregiver?

Get out of that situation, Start your career and find another place to live. This is not your problem to solve.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to CTTN55

You are NOT responsible for your parents care, but you are responsible for your care, and that is going to require you now going out on your own and using that degree that you have worked hard for. Your parents will be fine, and I'm guessing that mom will actually learn to not be so dependent once you're not there to use. Your mom and dad are both still young, and you certainly don't want to be living with them(without a job) for the next 20+ years do you? So start looking for your own place and a job today!!! It's time for you to live the life you deserve. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to funkygrandma59

Salma, welcome to the forum!

Your mom is 64. She will probably live for another 30 years.

Can you afford to not have a career and support yourself for 30 years?

Mom needs more care than you and dad can give her. Either you need hired help in the home or she and dad need to move to Assisted Living where the help can be on hand 24/7.

She also needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist who can get her on the right meds to address her anxiety.

Please don't waste your education. Start job hunting today.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

My mother also had these type of strokes. Believe me when I say her care is beyond what you can provide. No judgment at all on your efforts, it’s just too much, the complexities after these strokes are huge. Please meet with your siblings and dad, let them know you cannot continue, your mom needs more help, and together devise a new plan for her care. Don’t apologize or defend yourself, you need to make a life for yourself and a healthy mom would want exactly that for you. I wish you well in moving forward
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Daughterof1930

I've seen this same dynamic playing out in my extended family and IMO it has destroyed the children both mentally and financially. Your mother's continuing care is something your parents need to figure out, not you - it sounds like you have become the default that helps them put off making the hard decisions about how they will manage life in the future. By now everyone in the family has gotten used to the role you play so expect some pushback when you make it clear you are moving forward with your own life but don't let it stop you, there are other options but in my experience nobody will even look for them as long as the status quo is easier.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to cwillie

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