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Glad you ask that question as I'm caring for my husband and it's been around 6 years. Currently he is physically able to take care of his personal needs but very rarely does. He is on all the Alzheimer medicines plus his other meds which help his state of mind as he was very argumentative in the beginning. I am able to go get groceries and take care of things I have to do but I feel that I must hurry back and never feel I can do the things I'd like to do. It is a constant struggle trying to watch everything. Now he sleeps a lot but is also up a lot at night which interferes with my rest but I'm making it right now. I am alone but not alone which maybe you can relate to. If there are problems around the house, any decision, I'm it and he is oblivious that anything is wrong. I can't discuss it with him because he doesn't understand. I try to take everything one day at a time but it's hard not to think ahead and not to worry. I have my sister for support as a good listener and a few other family. I guess if it wasn't for that I'd totally be lost it by now. My husband and I always did most things separate except when it came to his family, then he wanted me to be there. He had his friends and things he like to do, and so I learned to do the same. Now he is so dependent on me and never having alone time is hard for me. Of course, I feel guilty worrying about myself and not feeling more compassionate for him but it is so, so hard. At this point, I know it could be worse, but that isnt very comforting either.

Alzheimer's is the most terrible thing for
everyone affected by it which is the Alzheimer's patient and the caregiver.
I've already dealt with Alzheimers as my mom had it also and I read on this site
many who have experienced it with more
than one family member. It takes the
total being from that person and goes on
for years and you know that death is the
only thing that ends it for your husband
and you, so the solution is not comforting
at all.

I look forward to hearing from you. I have
rattled on with my feelings and thoughts
and would like to hear your thoughts,
problems, etc. I could go on but just want
to hear more about how things are with
you first.
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Reply to Sharonheart1942
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Heartsick2 Sep 9, 2018
Sharonheart
Your situation sounds very much like mine. My husband has Alzheimer’s and he doesn’t understand much, he is completely dependent on me. He can’t dress himself, feed himself unless it’s finger food, sometimes he forgets how to get in and out of the car, he is totally incontinent and won’t stand still while I clean him up.
Last week I took him to get a hair cut and we had a really hard time getting him in the chair, guess I’ll have to be a barber too.
Unlike you, we have always done most things together. We would work, fish, deer hunt, horse show, all church and family functions together. It has gotten to the point that I have a sitter come in three days a week so I can go to work. Luckily he has been sleeping all night. “Thank you Lord” I have been looking into nurse care facilities. I’m not ready to put him in full time but I may for a week or two so I can recoup. I do have good support from my children and friends as far as having someone to talk to.
Sometimes I don’t think I can do this
anymore and lose my compassion for a few minutes, I just have to remind myself of all the wonderful times we have had for 50 years in December.
Hang in there and do take care of yourself.
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To Emmdee...
You are in a group right now. May not be a physical group but a group none the less.
A support group is a great way to:
vent
get ideas
get and give support to people going through the same thing.
Meet the friends that will stick by you during the long haul. Cuz the friends you had before they go on with their lives and they give up asking if you can go to dinner, the movies, for a walk...because you have to care for someone.
Many people like the anonymity of an on line site, others like a physical group and like me many like both.
I have been though a lot in 12 years and if ANY bit of what I learned can help someone I am more than willing to pass it on. I am by no means an expert but I can pass on what I learned.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I think this site is primarily for those caring for parents but they have always been friendly and welcoming to spousal care-givers, or at least that's the way my experience has been. I haven't found any carer support sites specifically or even primarily for spousal carers. I'm taking care of my husband who has Traumatic Brain Injury related dementia, Psuedo Bulbar Affect and Epilepsy. I've been his primary carer since the accident 15+ years ago. I've taken care of other family members in the past, but losing my best friend, lover and life partner has been an experience of a very different kind. As to where to find those conversations I think they're randomly scattered about this site in comments etc. Caring for anyone with cognitive impairment is a challenge. (hugs) There are a lot of good posts and equally good advice givers here.
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jacobsonbob Sep 7, 2018
I don't recall anything on this site suggesting it is mainly for taking care of parents although most posters are probably in that situation. I've read comments from many people dealing with spouses, so people in this group can and should consider themselves completely at home here.
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I'm 59 my wife is 53 she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease December 21,2017 she is in early late stages. I am her care giver and I often wonder about others who are dealing with early onset. most of the questions and answers that I read are of older people who are dealing with a parent. I had a job where I was able to bring her with me but now she's in such a decline and she requires constant support. Our children have been supportive but it's difficult to watch your loved one suffer. Quite frankly I'm definitely overwhelmed with caring for her and use this forum as a way to connect with people who are dealing with the same issues as I am. Like you I look for people who are dealing with like issues. The hardest part is knowing that it doesn't get any better. I'm doing all her daily living needs she can feed herself with finger foods but she can't use utensils anymore. I bath her, dress and toilet her. She has to ware depends. I've learned a lot of things about the disease from Google because every time I would see something different from her I would see if it was normal for her condition it helps
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Reply to Bigmikepaint59
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I am a caregiver for my husband for the last 4 years. I found many groups in my area that meet monthly. You can look in your area on Google
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Emmdee Sep 3, 2018
I really do not understand this 'belonging to a caregiver group' idea! Not everyone relates to the group thing. I certainly do not - and that is all we are offered here in the UK. There are loads of other things I would prefer to do with my 'free' time! I am sole carer for my husband, who was diagnosed in 2011, and who needs EVERYTHING doing for him, and who cannot string a sentance together, let alone hold a conversation.
I do not want to be part of a 'group' who tends to hold together because they are connected by dementia! It is FAR too depressing.

I would recommend people to use their free time to explore other things in their free time, especially if they are part of a group - for instance - a Ramblers local group, an art group, a history group - or maybe volunteering with a local group who keeps the park tidy, or helping with disabled children ..... which would be enriching in a persons life.
However, this is not possible without 'downtime' provided by external care for the cared for person - my husband goes to a daycare centre two days a week, costing £200.00 per week, but it is worth it. He gets trained care, with other people to relate to, which is really valuable.

Just my 2 pennys worth!

Hope this helps.......
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I care for my hubby, kids, and dogs 24/7. Hubby had two massive ischemic strokes 5 yrs ago. Im here for you! Feel free to message me anytime.
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Reply to CrazyMamaBear
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Hi Bluemoon,
I am taking care of my husband with Alzheimer’s and possibly Parkinson. He has been having symtoms for around 3 years and has been on medications for 2 years. He is to the point that he’s totally incontinant. He thinks he is talking to people who are not there and is delusional, can remember a lot of people but usually can not call them by name. He just knows that he knows them. He wonders a lot and picks up any and everything and carries them around the house and relocates them. He seems to hide the TV remote a lot. Nothing is off limits for him. I have keyed deadbolts on all the exterior doors or I couldn’t keep up with him. The only thing he can eat by himself is finger food if I want him to eat it and not wear it.
I have a sitter that comes 3 days a week so I can go to work and has started coming 2 nights a week to get him ready for bed. That has been a huge help. I have had to pull on him and get in such awkward positions to get his pull-ups and pants up and off that I have hurt my back.
Every once in a while I get a glimpse of my loving, smart, hard working and very generous husband of 49 years. Those are treasures. Hang in there.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.
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Reply to Heartsick2
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I have been taking are of my husband of 50 years as his sole caregiver since his severe stroke over 14 years ago. It is something that changes everything about your relationship. I also work full time so that too is a struggle at times. He is in an electric wheelchair so can get to and from the bathroom without needing much assistance. His ability is guarded and I will for as long as I know that he is safe will keep him here with me at his home.
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Reply to Marlalee3
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That’s a good question. Maybe ask is there anybody out there married taking care of there spouse. If so, please share what your going through please. I personally can’t answer those questions because I’ve never been married. Maybe because I can’t get out to meet someone because I’m on the 2nd dose burden of being 24/7 caregiver for other parent. If I ever got married I would be more than happy to share what going through. I wish you the best and hopefully someone will respond. There’s gotta be someone out there.
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I take care of my husband who is 87 and has dementia. Each day is a challenge with his daily care. Right now I am in the middle of UTI and will be calling his doctor to see if I can get an antibiotic for his urinary tract infection. Today was the first time he spit out his crushed pills in applesauce and I probably will not be giving them to him anymore. Although he has no other medical problems except for his memory, he does have a problem drinking any liquid and eats just about enough for a sparrow. He has declined so fast since this past April and I am looking at a man who was a hard worker and didn't retire until he was 78. It's all so sad.
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Reply to tperri123
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I have been taking care of my wife for the past 2 years , she has dementia. I find it an honor to be able to do it. She has been a wonderful wife for over 60 years and she cared for many people while she was well. I just hope the Lord will allow me to continue to do it for as long as I can. ( I am now 85)
Jerry
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Reply to virjer1958
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I take care of my spouse with Alzheimer's. What topic do you want to discuss?
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Reply to Jessie7410
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Hi BlueMoon,
I hope you have been able to explore the site and have found that many of the caregivers here are providing care for a spouse. One of the new features on the site is the subject tag. Directly below your question, the tag spouse is a clickable link that will direct you to a topic page that contains content specific to the subject of caring for a spouse.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/71/spouse
Additionally, in the "About" AgingCare section is a list of our contributors. Marlis Powers was a writer for AgingCare who contributed personal stories about caring for her husband. They may not all be appropriate to your situation, but I find her writing style very endearing. I've posted a link to her page if you'd like to read some of her contributions.
https://www.agingcare.com/authors/marlis-powers
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I've seen plenty.
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Reply to commutergirl
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I cared for my Husband. If there is anything that you specifically want to know please message me. Or respond to my post here.
It is different caring for a spouse. Your whole relationship changes and that is difficult. I am lucky that I found a support group that is specific to spouses and it helped just knowing there were other spouses going through the same thing I was.
Hang in there. There are times that it is frustrating but other times very rewarding. I just am sorry that the things that we talked about doing when we retired never happened.
I often say that my Husband taught me a lot during the last 12 years. compassion, patience, a deeper, different love, I became more mindful, I laughed more (sounds ironic but ya gotta laugh at times over things that would cause most people to cry) you appreciate the little things that happen.
Most important for me was the decision I made to keep my Husband at home. I did tell myself that the ONLY reason I would have to decide to place him in Memory Care would be SAFETY...
If it was not safe for him to be kept at home or if it was not safe for me I would have to place him. I was lucky in the fact that he was easy to care for, very compliant and never became violent. He died peacefully at home almost 2 years ago and I can honestly say I could not have done it without the 3 years of help I got from Hospice and the VA.
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I had a quick look for you.
I went to the Alzheimer's & Dementia section of this forum and had a peep around. :)
I found one for you but you might be able to connect to others from that post.
This is the post:
Alzheimer's husband with delusions. Is there medication to calm his mind?
If you pop that into the search function, hopefully you will get to it.

Good Luck
Buzzy


Just tested it and it works. :)
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