My husband has dementia is bipolar along with other serious health issues. I'm his caregiver 24/7. I'm doing my best and he sees me as the enemy. - AgingCare.com

My husband has dementia is bipolar along with other serious health issues. I'm his caregiver 24/7. I'm doing my best and he sees me as the enemy.

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I have several painful conditions. He doesn't sleep well so I don't either. Trying to get house work done and yard kept up, I feel like I'm doing my best and he sees me as the enemy. Keep me in your prayers.

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I'm so sorry to hear about that. Just don't lose hope. In times of very difficult situations, you just have to manage your time well. Yes alternate the chores so that you'll have more time taking care of your husband. Most importantly, have some time for yourself, take a break from all the stress.God bless! We'll definitely pray for you.
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Reply to natnatroswell22
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I'm so sorry you are "the enemy". I was the enemy too with my mom, who told everyone she hated her daughter (me). 🙁

Dont take it personally. They truely are out of their minds and would never speak this way if they didn't have the illness. It's best to counter with, "I love you even if you don't love me." then walk away.

You MUST take some of the burden off yourself and let others (family, friends, neighbors, church members, etc.) take a few hours a week so you can get out or get some much needed sleep. If you don't, then burnout (physically and mentally "crashing and burning") comes next. That could land you in the hospital. Hubby would be put in a facility while you recouperate.

Let the majority of the housework go. Meals and dishes are enough. Who's going to come to see (or care) if you vacuumed or dusted?

Make a list of priorities, with the most important first. After #4, forget about them. It's self preservation.

I sure will include you in our prayers, along with all the other caregivers on this board. What a difficult life this can be! 😔
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Reply to SueC1957
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Texas gem, I am sending you big hugs. I care for my bedridden husband. A few primary care physicians and at least 7 neurologists plus several outpatient therapy sessions, scores of tests and one extended stay of 4 months in rehab haven’t shown anything wrong with him. So basically I do everything but feed him for no reason. Other events in our lives have left me depressed and fearful for the future.

I have totally accepted the fact that I cant do it. The house is neglected and so is the yard. He blames me for our extreme financial difficulties. We’ve been fighting more recently than we ever have.

Please, please do as I say and not as I do. Watch out for yourself. Get a health aide for some respite care. We are applying for a Medicaid Waiver Program that should cover at least part of this help. I’m hopeful they will be able to help us out.

Do what you can. Sparkles gives wonderful advice. I love the “one shower wall” one!
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Dear texasgem-
Hang in there.
I can tell you care about yours and husband's living conditions. You are doing your best.
Just one point... Yes, caring for your home (and everything!) is important. But, YOU personally are your most valuable asset! And if you die... Who cares for everyone? So you have to care for you.

I understand, dealing with your own or others chronic health stuff is downright relentless.
Personally... I had to lower my expectations. I can no longer have a house that is completely clean, at least all at the same time! I find breaking things into smaller bits makes me feel like I am making headway. Instead of cleaning the entire bathroom... I break it in half. Clean the sink and toilet one day, and then the floors another day. I also clean one wall of the shower every time I am in it. So I can ignore the shower completely during cleaning time! The rest... Well, it will wait patiently for you. No cleaning fairies ever arrive in the middle of the night! Darn! And conversely, no cleaning police come either.
Just know that you aren't alone, even though it feels like it sometimes. I hope this helps.
Big Hugs.
Sparkles.
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Reply to sparkles87
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