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My mother in law has come to live with us. I think its going to affect our marriage. she is 87

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If you do need to get equipment for your home, an occupational therapist can help with that. I find that the clinics that send these people have been helpful in figuring out which things are covered by insurance and which things aren't, in most cases.

For your emotional well-being, if you can find a caregiver group for your husband and yourself to go to, that can help you keep some perspective on things, plus will help you get more resources as you need them. And, if that includes marriage counseling, then you'll find there's often someone that can give you a referral to someone even for things like that.

Meanwhile, just keep reminding yourself that this initial time that she leaves her home for yours is probably the most difficult period of adjustment for all three of you.
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Did either you or your husband know what you were getting into? If it's a case of innocents abroad and you've both had a bit of a shock, it's not too late to sit down together - ideally with the AC forum in front of you for reference - and work out a strong Plan B. But for heaven's sake speak up to him, don't struggle on; and if he's got his head in the sand about it and is pretending it's all fine then put Teepa Snow on the loudspeaker and tell him to Pay Attention!
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Call your local Elder services.. Tell them you need to make an appt to have your MIL assessed for home care.. They will come to her.. Make sure you are there for the meeting and let them know exactly what she needs. Take advantage of any help she can receive..
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Likely it will affect your marriage. I really wish you had come here and read some of the stories about parents moving in before you agreed to her moving in with you. Sometimes it works well. Sometimes it doesn't and can be a real disaster. Anyone with Alz will get worse and their care needs will increase to the point where you will not be able to leave them alone at all. Your house will need to be adapted for their safety and more. Sorry to be a messenger of doom and gloom, but it is a very difficult job and then there is the statistic that over 1/3 of caregivers die from the stress before the person they care give. You are seeing red flags already. Sounds like something has to change. Get outside help or place her in a facility. You don't detail what her needs are and what stage she is at. People may have more suggestions if you give more information. Let us know what you decide. Good luck to you and ((((((hugs)))).
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Hi. Are you or your husband trained in caring for an ALZ patient? Is your home handicapped accessible?

Are either of you considering leaving your job, to care for her? It is a 24/7 job, with no breaks or days off or vacations. I would think that you will need hired help immediately. Do not rely on other relatives. That rarely works out.

Have you read here about similar families? There is a search function at the top of the page. Good luck to all of you. My mother in law kept her husband at home and it was a constant physical struggle.
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