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He is 75 years old. We live with him & I have POA over him. He was told not to drive by his doctor as well but when I remind him he argues with me. He lies to neighbors saying that I abuse him by not letting him go anywhere when he goes everywhere and he has almost caught house on fire a couple times. My brother, son, and daughter say to put him in a home but I'm afraid none will take him...what do I do???

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He is sexually abusing a young girl??? GET HIM OUT OF THERE NOW!!! Don’t waste time finding a facility, worrying about his driving, what he says about you or to people in stores. Get him away from her! When he goes off the wall, call the police. They will send him to a psychiatric facility and you refuse to take him back.
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Not being in your right mind IS an excuse. That's exactly what it is. It excuses you from all responsibility for your actions.

The child needs to be removed, immediately; then the man needs to be found appropriate psychiatric services. Apart from the ethics, that's also the order which would be quickest and least frightening for the child.
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Ahmijoy Jun 2019
Unfortunately, CM you and I both know that chances of anything actually being done in this situation are slim to none. It’s very likely that the people living in this house are afraid of this man. They fear the consequences of any action they will take. They will ignore any advice we post and disappear into the sunset, leaving us wondering whatever happened, especially to the girl. So sad.
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Something has to be done so he cannot continue abuse, violence towards anyone or any animals. Period. Dementia or no dementia. It's not their fault
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So there is you, a 23 year old and who else living there that can work and contribute to living expenses?

Move out and let him figure it out, that he has said you screwed your dad, why not me? to his granddaughter that was sexually abused by her dad. Oh hell no, get your stuff and get out. Something is far wrong with this situation and you are not protecting your already damaged daughter. That she is 23 and living with this crap proves how broken she is.

Sorry but your choices need to change or your kids need to get away from you as well.
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Please find some good websites and familiarize yourself with typical behavior in people with dementia.
Has he actually been diagnosed with dementia by a doctor or are you assuming that he has it?
If you have POA you also need to familiarize yourself concerning your rights and responsibilities towards him.
It is pointless to argue with him. He is NOT lying to your neighbors. He is reporting what his broken brain regards as truth. He does NOT understand the difference between right and wrong.
He should have NO CONTACT with his granddaughter, and if contact is absolutely unavoidable she should NEVER be alone with him.
HIS BRAIN IS BROKEN AND CANNOT BE REPAIRED.
YOU NEED TO TAKE CHARGE.
Visit local residential care sites and see what you can find out about them. You have no basis for thinking that none will take him until you find out what’s available in your area.
Good luck with this very tough job.
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Your immediate problem is to remove your small granddaughter from the home now, at once, today. Is this your 23 year old daughter's child? Can your daughter not go and stay with her uncle or her brother?

Your father will not be held responsible for his sexually inappropriate language to a small child because he has dementia. But you and your daughter most certainly will be held responsible if you allow her to be exposed to it. Deal with it before somebody else calls in the authorities.

When you say you are afraid that no dementia care facility will take your father because of his challenging behaviours, have you actually approached any and asked? If that doesn't work, ask your doctor how you can get your father admitted to a psychiatric facility for evaluation, treatment and then referral to an appropriate, safe place.
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You call the police and report the sexual abuse!

He may well well not be in his right mind, but that is no excuse. The authorities need to place him in a facility under lock and key away from potential victims.

yeah, the court will likely find he isn’t competent to stand trail, then they will lock him up until he is...which might be never

it took the State of Wisconsin mire than 20 years to find Ed Gein competent ... then found him guilty.

report this!!!!
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He has sexually abused his granddaughter and you haven't called the police? I don't care what he has going on, let them deal with getting him placed in a facility that will take him.

Lots of posters have said that what they are only magnifies with the dementia, has he hurt others before?

Get him out and locked up so he can't destroy someone else's wellbeing and peace of mind by sexually assaulting them.
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http://www.lmtaaa.org/
Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging
They are in your area. Call them.

Don't stay and put up with that behavior because you fear you have nowhere to go. You are in an abusive relationship..you and the rest of the family. You fear him and he knows it.
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Well now, question is... hard question.. did your dad abuse you? In any way? I cannot imagine that it just happened with your 23 year old.

I am so sorry...

Protect hour child now, it may be late, but not too late, It is not okay.

I am so sorry..

Protect the public, take away the car.. they keys, whatever.. give or donate the car, sell it. if you dad is that bad of a driver. Look at uber and other public transits to get dad to where ever.
Protect your child.. at whatever cost... Nobody deserves to be sexually abused, verbally or physically...stop that poison now.
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