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Mom is getting very angry and abusive with this new living situation. She feels like I am trying to control her life and take away all her independence. As a child I survived sexual abuse from her husband (my biological father) she remained with him after she found out. NOW when she is angry at me she makes comments about that...things like saying she wants to meet a man and move out of my control but that she doesn't trust me not to sleep with him. Its VERY hurtful.


I have been doing elder care for 32 years however never have I had to deal with it on such a personal and abusive way. I mean I have had mean patients, but they never could affect me the way my mother does. I am having a hard time with that alone without her getting angry about living here with me rather than at home...she will not accept that she is at a point where she can't live alone. Mind you when I got her here finally after 2 years of the docs saying she shouldn't continue in her current situation...she was FILTHY...her A1C was 13, and that was with INSULIN. Her house should be condemned based on the filth...but she will get on her hands and knees and pick dog hair off the carpet...she had sores all over her arms, hands, shoulders, and chest...that had been there for MONTHS. Adult protective services had been contacted over and over again...by me, the doctor, the hospital and the bank...to no avail at helping her. Now after only 4 months, she has no sores on her, her A1C is down to 7.2 without insulin, just medication and proper eating. I don't know how much longer I can take the behavior and yes we have her medicated which has helped a lot with her throwing things and pushing me physically but not with her attitude. she also went from smoking 3-4 packs of cigs a DAY to having 8-10 cigs a day. (another fact she is mad bout) but I can't sit with her smoking one right after another. I have to monitor because she has put a lit cig in her lap to move the dog, I can't trust that she won't burn herself or my house down.

I too am so sorry that you are dealing with this painful situation, Whyme. I agree that finding a safe place for her out of your home would be best, for the both of you. Best wishes to you.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Would your mom qualify for Medicaid? Does she have the funds for private pay for an ALF or NH?
You have done a great job on refucing the nicotine and sugar.

Medically she sounds so much better. I know it’s due to your excellent care. But I really wish you didn’t have her in your home.

Four months is not very long that she is firmly entrenched with her new habits but I would be working towards getting her into a home. You didn’t say how old she is. She will need to qualify both financially and medically to have Medicaid pay for her care.

She may well need 24 hr care but it does not need to be you who provides it. Please don’t do that to yourself.

You can’t convince her of anything. She has a brain that has lost its ability to function properly. She will most likely act ugly regardless of where she lives. Coming off all her vices has to be hard for her but in time the cravings will get easier and hopefully the behavior settle down.

Dont engage with her potty mouth. I’m sorry for this pain you are dealing with.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Bumping you up. Seems u got lost in the shuffle.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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