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she is incontinent both ways she cannot walk at all,she cannot stand in one place. she has very slow progressing dementia.sits on a couch all day and watches tv.she feeds herself as long as one prepares the food for her,sleeps very well without too many problems. she is approaching 80 years of age. she had a shunt installed 8 years ago and started to fail after 6 years.the shunt worked well for the 6 years. the neurological surgeon,the neurologist and the psych-neurologist all say that nothing can be done i have had her in a rehab and also many physical therapists.no help at all.i have help at home that come in every day and my life is a hell. is there anyone in this world that can ease my pain? the surgeon says that her brain ventricles are inoperable & are slowly running out of insurance coverage and money.

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Hi pidgy3022,
First, I am so sorry for you and your wife's pain. Do you have a good circle of support for YOUR needs? Some good friends or family that can offer you a soft place to land for a few? I know it is hard to find that so maybe a support group? Or a spiritual leader?

When life overwhelms me, well, first I take my anti-anxiety pill( klonapan - something to look into if you are truly overwhelmed but be careful they are addictive and must be taken with caution) and then I make sure to have on hand a few thing that will make me calm. A good book. Soothing music. There is a great cable music channel called soundscapes that plays really soothing music. Maybe I should try the music and book first and then the meds. :0/
Some people keep a "blessing book"where they write down all the things they are grateful for -no matter how small-and look back on that when feeling overwhelmed. I don't do this but I have heard many other do and helps them. Other journal their feelings. It all boils down to finding the right thing for you that helps you unwind and escape for a bit. Don't forget about your needs. You need to be healthy in mind body and spirit.

Good luck and many blessing to you and your wife. Please know you have a place here to vent, rant, cry, laugh, and share. You are not alone.
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pidgym this has got to be hard to watch - and one answer is to talk to a geriatric social worker, probably someone from the hospital where she was, about your options for medical and care coverage in the future. But the opther question is what more specificially is making your life "hell"? Just the sadness of seeing your loved one decline, the frustration of being unable to get out much with or without her, or having too much for you to do despite having some daily help?
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