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it one of the main reasons he is in a nursing home. Dad does not want me to change him and clean him up, and i don't want to. But I feel he would do better at home and have someone come in to help and get physical therapy. Right now for the most part nursing home staff is good. But if one more person tells me your dad want walk again, your dad is old, he want get better, you need to get use to this. Enough. don't we need to give him a chance to get stronger and not dismiss his physical need to get out of bed. Dad is mentally okay. OMG this is exhausting for me and him.

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If the only reason your dad is in a nursing home is because of hygiene, that is likely something you can learn to deal with. It seems culturally "wrong" for a child - even and adult child - to become that physically intimate with a parent, particularly a parent of the opposite gender. But it's fine. You both would likely get over that discomfort quite quickly when you realize this is just a "clinical" procedure. The embarrassment should soon evaporate if you both just understand this for what it is - healthcare.

Be careful, however, that you are aware of the other things you are taking on. Will he still be able to get his physical therapy? Will you be able to handle his other physical needs because of size and weight (and your strength)? Are your personalities compatible?
Talk over any move you make with a social worker or someone who knows what services he can get at home before you make such a move. You don't want to take him home and regret it.
Take care,
Carol
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I agree w the previous post. I would add that it seems to have been his choice to go to the nursing home. Make sure he is willing to come home otherwise you are doing it for the wrong reasons. It may be tiring to hear the nursing banter regarding his condition, bit its much harder and stressful to become the caretaker.
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barbaralm, you don't say what your dad's impairments are or how old he is. Why can't he walk at this point? Can he transfer from the bed to the wheelchair OK? Can he feed himself? What about bathing?

I agree with Carol that you both could probably overcome the hygiene issues. But there seems to be more to this than incontinence. Give us more details about his mobility issues, for more specific responses.

Caring for an elderly loved one in home is an extremely difficult job -- most caregivers say it it the hardest job they have ever done. Certainly you love your father, and possibly he would be better off in some ways with you. But carefully consider ALL aspects of his needs and your qualifications to meet those needs,
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