Still trying to set boundaries with my mom in assisted living. She calls (leaves voicemails) with a needs list and I drop off to the administrator who says she is fine. These calls are full of abusive, narcissistic, and emotional accusations. She always reports something that she has discovered such as I called the bank, you're not giving my tithe to the church, etc. She enjoys telling me that my deceased dad would not like me spending all his hard-earned money on this place, you need to get over here & straighten them out, food is disgusting, and everyone is either quitting or upset. I inform the administrator who says she is nitpicking everything to you but she's fine. The list of needs is over $200 each month. I'm going to include the receipts on this next delivery so she can SEE it and yes, I'm now spending her money on this, not mine, even though it will shorten her days at the facility.
1) Does she know at age 89 what she is doing or does it really matter? Am I making excuses because she's my mom, elderly, and so unhappy? I know I've been groomed to take it and she's diminished me to a daughter who hates hearing her ugly voicemails; however, my self-esteem and physical health are affected each time (so I'm not doing a very good job of setting boundaries except for not going to see her in person!). I have walked away but the POA job involves getting her list to her and not neglecting her. She will not tell the facility to call me with the needs list. The spin, lies, and stirring of the stew still continue to bother me even tho I'm avoiding the physical abuse.
2) Any advice on what to expect from a counselor? I do not want to hear "be nice to yourself" as I can do this. Will it be beneficial to my anxiety, family, and well being? Any experiences to share? Thank you all!