I have not posted in a long time and I hope that my suggestions, advice, etc. have been helpful. I'm 61 and my mom is 92. My mom is in good overall health and doing well for being 92. My mom is obsessive when it comes to my health and she constantly asks about my blood pressure, doctor's visits, etc.
My PCP noticed some irregularities with my blood work and sent me for some testing. I just got the results back and I have stage 2 colon cancer. I'm floored beyond belief and about to start treatment. I have not told my mother and I'm trying to find a way to sit down with her and tell her without her becoming obsessed with my diagnosis. I also don't want to trigger her into a stroke or have her have a heart attack when she hears the news. I cannot think of a way to tell her that won't involve her coming completely unglued or having to go to the ER.
The treatment is going to be harsh, but I've been assured that it won't change my physical appearance drastically. I've lost about 20 pounds and my mom has noticed this and commented on this several times.
Should I tell her? Or just go get treatment and shut my mouth and keep her in ignorant bliss?
Your diagnosis and treatment is about you , not your mother .
May The Lord give you strength, peace, courage and comfort during this hard trial.
May HE give your medical team wisdom, guidance and touch you with a complaint healing.
My ex had stage 4 colon cancer and 1 surgery, along with 1 year of chemo. He's been in remission now for 7 years. Clean PET scans all this time!
I have stage 4 melanoma myself. After 2 double rounds of immunotherapy, I've had 2 years of clean PET scans myself.
I wish you good luck and Godspeed as you move forward with your treatment plan.
Later, when you know your prognosis, you could decide whether to tell mom, and how much.
I hope your treatment goes well and that you'll be back to update us soon.
Just read up on your diagnoses. There will be surgery? That would be hard to hide.
As regards your mother, that's a tough one. Does she have any dementia? Her obsession with your health must make life a bit difficult for you and you don't need that to get any worse while you are dealing with cancer and treatments. My inclination, if I was in your shoes, would be not to tell her right away, anyway. You have enough stress to deal with as it is.
You need to keep your energy for dealing with yourself and your recovery. Once the major part of the treatment is over (surgery? chemotherapy?) and you are getting your strength back, perhaps you could mention it to her then. Or perhaps not depending on how you are feeling and on how she is.
I agree with others this has to be about you and what is best for you.
My sister was diagnosed in 2021 with breast cancer and my mom was so torn over it. She’s so afraid that it will recur even though after radiation treatment my sister has been declared cancer free.
My brother was diagnosed with MALT lymphoma in 2024. We chose not to tell my mom. He is the youngest and only son of the three of us. I know it would destroy my mom. I went with him for all his appointments. We knew it would not alter his appearance or that my mom would notice anything wrong. He went through treatments just fine and has been declared cancer free.
Last year, her younger brother was diagnosed with throat cancer, then lung cancer and passed away. She was so destroyed when she found out he had cancer.
My personal thoughts after having gone through these experiences with her, if it’s not necessary, I would spare her from what it may do to her.
Sending Hugs 🤗
Unless you lose your hair, I would suggest not saying anything yet. Let her know your fighting a immune issue, not saying cancer, but you'll have bad days. This may help and hopefully you will beat the Beast. Good luck! ❤️🙏🤞
See All Answers