My husband (been married 4 years) moved his parents near us to help take care of them in July without fully discussing this with me. I live 1 1/2 away from my family. His father passed away recently & his mother has advanced dementia and is residing in the house alone. My husband feels likes she needs to be checked on daily which is true, probably more often. He has been doing this but has been highly stressed & irritable & is looking to hire an in-home caregiver 3 days a week for part of the day. He also asked me tonight if I can check on her the other 2 days if he has to go out of town for business. He also stated that he needed to get a caregiver so he can travel for his hobbies over the summer. I am recently retired (after 22 yrs) but still employed as well and will be 50. I had been looking forward to retirement & the flexibility my new job allows.
I know if I say that I do not want to “stick my head in” & check on her as he puts it every time he goes out of town I will have a massive fight on my hands. (when we discussed them moving here he stated if pushed he’d pick them over me). I feel like if she needs daily supervision she needs 24/7 care or to be in a LTC facility for her own safety. She has been unable to cook for herself, cannot drive, does not recall basic info, sometimes does not lock doors, & recently flooded the kitchen. I feel extremely selfish saying I do not want to take this caregiver role on even for short durations. I also realize if I express this it may jeopardize our marriage. Am I being selfish & should I just suck it up & see how it goes or encourage him to get more care/LTC? does anyone have a similar experience & have any advice?
Thank you for any advice & guidance to help navigate this journey!