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You say he did this without your permission.
Did he do it for any stated reasons?
Does he intend to do the care for his mother?
That is to say, did you speak about this, or did he simply do it.
Myself, I would have emptied out a few accounts and be in a motel on day one. I figure on day 7 he would understand what he is dealing with.
Boundries now! He brought her home, he does the caregiving, toileting and all. For me, this shows no respect for you. If Moms, 87 you are in your 60s? Both are seniors. If you don't mind helping, just make sure he does most of the work. To the point you carry on as usual. If u lunch with the girls, continue to lunch with the girls. He allows Mom to sit in "it" waiting for u to come home. Nope, he needs to see to her, he wants her to live with him. Its not your mother.
You might need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with him, and find out exactly what his plans are for her care. And make sure that he understands that you will not be sucked into helping with her care, since you didn't want her there to begin with. Sounds like you have a hot mess on your hands. There are no easy answers.
Worse case scenario, you might have to start looking for a place for you to move to. Good Luck!
Can you go and visit some friends for a week or two? Let him see what this is like doing it all on his own.
My father used to bring his mother up for visits (my mother was consulted first) then disappear and leave entertaining her to us. He got one heck of a shock when he was left alone with her for a weekend.
This sounds absolutely appalling, but please give more information if you want suggestions that might actually help.
If he insists, then a caregiver needs to be hired, so you are not the one doing it.
Im assuming here that you have spoken to him on the subject. Does he expect you to care for her? Has he decided to be her son rather than your husband?
Was she there for rehab and had to be released?
You really need to give more informative in order to get help that pertains to your circumstances. I’m sorry this has happened and that you weren’t considered.