I'm helping to take care of a grandparent nearing 100 who is a racist and narcissist and rude and hateful about people they see as overweight. They are nice and appreciative to me but I can't stand how they speak about others, yet I bite my tongue because I know they are mentally past changing attitudes. In the meantime I've lost two much loved, sweet and kind relatives. I resent the fact that they didn't have as many years to live while someone who is not as nice is still kicking. I don't know how to get past this... anyone else feel this way? What helps?

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Tootired2care, I get where you are coming from. It can be so hard to let go of things like that, can't it? I think all of us have had those same thoughts. For me, I travel 2 & 1/2 hours to the town where my Mom lives to assist her...but my daughter & 3 grandkids live there too. Guess who I would rather spend my time with? We do what we have to do.
I suppose it's no different than other situations in life. For instance, the drunk driver who walks away from the accident he caused...where a mother and her baby died. Life just plain sucks some times! We can choose to focus on the negative or the positive. Perhaps you can find something positive that brings you joy...whatever that may be..and learn to shift your thoughts to "that" when this your grandfather is being negative. I like to repeat in my mind a short quote that makes me chuckle (or a scripture i find reassuring) ... Or using my mind to search for and find my favorite color in the room...or rubbing a smooth rock in my pocket ...whatever works as the "gentle nudge" to help me regain control of my own thought patterns is the answer. But it takes practice! And I still find it impossible someday, especially if I am tired.
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