How do I remove my 74-year-old mother from my home without getting the state involved?

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During the holidays, my older sister flies down from LA to Atlanta, I'll pick her up at the airport; and the next morning we will drive down in my car to Florida to spend the holiday with our mother. Back in 2013; that entire year I could not find work. So when December came around that year, my sister came again from LA as usual, but I explained to her that I may need to stay back and not drive down to FL with her just in case I have an in-person interview. She got so upset with me, she ended up renting a car and jetted out my house and left. So a week passed by, and just as I suspected, I had an interview and I got hired with a company in NY. I packed my things and got on the road for a 14 hour drive. It's a year now and I'm settled into my job. One day my sister calls me and says I think I'm going to try and sell moms home in FL. Mind you, it has always been our wish for mom to live closer to me in Atlanta since our later father passed on a few years ago, we didn't want mom to stay in a big house all by herself anymore. My mom also did want to come to Atlanta; it was just overwhelming for her to think that how are we going to pack up a 4 bedroom house. Just a little history with my older sister. She never really finishes anything she starts; and tends to procrastinate a lot and make excuses. So a few weeks passed, my sister called me again and she she sold moms house! I was surprised because again, she never finishes anything. She ends up packing up my moms entire house by herself; mind you my 74 year old mom couldn't really do much because she just had surgery in one hand. I couldn't come down there and help because I had a new job. All I could do was send money. So I deposited $1800 into my moms account to pay for the moving truck. While my sister sold the house, she was supposed to find a home to buy in Atlanta and move mom right into her new home. Unfortunately she couldn't find a home in time, so basically she moved my mother into my house. While all this is happening, I'm still in NY working trying to make ends meet and get caught up on bills and my mortgage. So my sister calls and says, so mom is at your house now, so when are you coming back. I was so livid with her; because she knew my circumstance. Long story short, I have been working in NY for 3 years now. The first year, I came back to Atlanta for Christmas and noticed there were sticks underneath my from door and patio door. Mind you, my mom has been showing signs of dementia and is extremely paranoid. She's been like this for years but the behavior has literally traveled with her from her FL home, into my home. Everything she used to do in her house; I noticed now she had started to do in my home. I didn't think anything of it because I knew my sister was busy looking for homes for my mom; and that she was only going to live at my place temporarily. Second year past, we all meet for Christmas in Atlanta in my home. I asked my sister, "so what's going on with finding mom a house. What's up with that plan"? She says, oh it's still not a buyers market right now. I didn't take this situation seriously as I should have from the beginning because I was so busy trying to sustain my job and stay focused so that I could pay down my bills quicker. So now we are in our 3rd year. Yes, you guessed it right! Mom is still living in my house. My mother would call me frequently in NY and complain about every little thing that bothers her about my home. It has gotten so bad, I had to leave NY and come back home. In just the few months I've been back, I can't find work and my life has been a living hell living with my mom in my house! She hates my neighbors. She feels like there are cameras hidden in my house watching her every move, and she feels the neighbors put the cameras in my house. She keeps my blinds closed all day, there are sticks hinged up the door knobs, and a stick laying behind my sliding door, she has newspapers folded up and tucked underneath the doorways; which is what a weather strip is supposed to do, but apparently that's not good enough. She says, an intruder will get a clothes hanger, and stick it through the cracks of the door and try to open the lock from the inside! Right now, it is so hot in Atlanta, she won't put on the AC because she says there is something poisoness coming through the vents that is making her sick. She won't let me open the windows because she says the neighbors are smoking weed, and it's seeping through the house. How does she even knows what weed smells like; I don't know? I have tested everything she's uncomfortable with, and I'm fine. I don't smell any foul odors outside, I breath perfectly fine if I turn on the AC. If I go out with friends during the day, I have to call her 5 minutes before I reach the house so she can take the stick off the door. I have the keys to my home, but that won't get me inside. My garage is manually locked up. If I'm out late, I have to sleep at my friends house. Needing advice!

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I don't think your mother will be able to live alone, so maybe you can look for a nice nursing home where she would be safe, and take the money from her house to help with the payments.
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No, there is no way out of your predicament without GA agencies assistance. Your mother is suffering from dementia. She is no longer able to live alone. Some sort of assisted living arrangement is necessary for her. GA has an excellent Crisis Line. They will refer you to the help agencies you need. The telephone number is available via 411 directory assistance.
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She still has the money from the sale of her house in Florida? If so, can she buy your house from you and you move out? If she doesn't want to do that, then I would tell her it's time to find her own place and start taking her around to look at different houses. Or ... take her on a drive and drop her off in LA at your sister's house and tell her it's her turn.
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If Moms house sold and she has the money for sister to buy her a home in Atlanta, since sister is not doing it, why don't you do it? Or better yet, pack her up and send her to LA.
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Frist thing that should be done is have your Mom evaluated by a Dr. to determine if her behavior is dementia and/or if she should be on medication. Her behavior is not normal nor would it be safe for her to live alone. Once you have a diagnosis you can decide on what the next steps should be regarding her living arraingments, health care proxy and power of attorney.
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Are you sure your sister did not spend the money from your Mom's house on her own bills? Maybe that is why she has excuses for not buying your mom a house.
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Your Mom needs to be diagnosed and your sister needs to anti up the money from the sale of your Moms home. Something doesn't sound right!
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More than 20 years ago, I suddenly became completely in charge of my mother who had Alzheimer's. Every decision I made about selling her house and finding a safe place for her to live was based on giving a high priority to keeping my job so I could retire when I was eligible for Social Security and take care of my own health. I am now 86 and satisfied that I placed my mother in a safe environment and provided for my future. I live in an independent living facility that I alone chose. I did not involve my children in any of my decisions.
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MelinC, your headline is about how do you remove your mother from your home without getting the state involved.

Well, since you brought the subject up, what's your problem with getting the state, or in any case authorities of some kind, involved?

You have reason to believe that your sister has stolen a substantial amount of money from your mother. That's a serious crime. What are you doing about it? What if the theft comes to light, and at the same time it comes to light that you knew about it and did and said nothing? Are you going to say in your defence oh well my sister got really annoyed when I asked her? I do not think that would get you off the hook.

Next, you say your mother is stubborn and won't get herself checked out. It sounds very much as though your mother is not so much stubborn as mentally ill. She bars the doors and stuffs the cracks for fear that someone or something is coming to get her. What if she falls while you're out, and neither you nor the emergency services can get into the house? What if there's a fire, and she can't get the door unbarricaded in time? Again, you can force an evaluation; but yes you would need back up from the state to do it.

So for just those two very important reasons, it seems to me that getting the state involved is actually what you should do. And besides, the plan to buy your mother her own house is a pipe dream. She obviously can't safely live alone; and what makes you think she'd feel any happier or more secure in her own place when she's scared stiff and paranoid in yours, with you there to help her? I think it's high time you called for help.
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I would ask your mom if she wanted to go out for breakfast and once she's in the car, just head to LA. But I'm evil like that.
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