Mom is getting stubborn about most everything. Is this "normal" for the end-of-life stage? - AgingCare.com

Mom is getting stubborn about most everything. Is this "normal" for the end-of-life stage?

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Now, due to her stubborness, her skin is breaking down more and she had a red sore on her behind and it looks like a rash is starting to develop. I try like crazy to stay on top of all this, but her stubborness and then uglyness is hindering this. Now her uglyness is escalating as well...hitting my hot buttons for sure. I am taking a "time out" tonight and just putting space between us so I calm down and get persepective and am better able to handle. Any feedback? (Note- mom is 98 yrs. old.....) cadams

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The red sore is definitely a problem. There are people here on the group who have dealt with pressure sores. They will probably have some good advice.

Sometimes we do have to step back. I wondered if it would be possible to hire a professional to come in to help with the pressure sore until it is healed. That would take the pressure off you to do so much.

I understand what you mean by stubborn. Some older people become half mule.
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I wonder if the stubborn attitude comes partly from being angry about having to depend on others, and feeling unwilling to surrender certain aspects of managing life? Just a thought, and it doesn't make the stubborn attitude any easier to deal with certainly!i go through the same thing with my mom who is 85! She refuses to accept her limits , drink proper amounts of fluids, etc..and she always has some justfitcation ready when we ask her about things!😊
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Cadams, if you have access to such a person, call in a continence care nurse. That sore will become an ulcer before you know it, and if your mother is playing up now just wait 'til she's got a full blown crater on her behind. I'd also be inclined to report her downturn in mood and behaviour to her GP - there could be something fixable going on, though I'm afraid you might be right about the downhill bit. Sorry she's feeling so poorly - and even sorrier that she's taking it out on you :(
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I DO have one helper 2x a week but I often have to get after her to change mom at the beginning AND end of shift and I find, of late, that I am helping her with the change as she doesn't seem to want to do it. I have to remind her to cleanse the area, and then even remind her to use the skin protectorant cream. I have to talk to her supervisor.....again. Sigh!
I'm not sure why the stubborness seems to be in most every area right now. I think she is just going downhill and it is her way of holding on. I had a good talking to her tonight about her need to cooperate more. We'll see. cadams
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I agree with CM. Call her doctor. I suspect she's in pain from the beginnings of a bedsore and is expressing it in her behavior.

Another poster, Xinabess, had a very similar situation a week or so ago. Many elders with dementia have difficulty expressing the fact that they are in pain.
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Open WOUNDS? As in more than one?

I would call the doctor this AM and describe to him/her or to the NURSE (not the receptionist) what is occurring, This might be ER worthy.
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My Mom had always had a very sweet disposition all her life but the last few mths. I was surprised at her stubbornness when it came to showers etc. I believe as someone else has already said that it was fear of losing control of her life. I mean, can you imagine what it must feel like to be totally dependent. I imagine I'll probably be a crotchety old thing when I get to that stage.

I agree with everyone else though, definitely get that bedsore taken care of. Best of Luck to you.
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I DO have a doctor appt. for mom this wednesday. I had to cancel the last one as she just wasn't strong enough to make it. So I will see if I can get him to send a continence care nurse over. I hadn't heard of this, but sure would appreciate. I DID go to medical supply store today and found the Medline skin protectorant cream Phytoplex which I can use to put over her open wounds. I look forward to seeing how that works. I guess I am at a new stage with this and trying to adjust to that. Thanks sooo much for your feedback, support. cadams
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A few things we do with my mom... We have 2 alternating pressure mattress pads, one in the bed and one on the recliner. We make sure before she has high protein in her diet... This helps prevent skin break down. We change her 5-7 times a day, clean her bottom well (with warmed wipes), use barrier cream, and high end disposable briefs. We also shift her position, slightly, just a tug on the hospital pad to shift weight. We do a quick scan of her body every morning and evening. Mom doesn't like it either and changing works best when 2 of us do it. I am the bad guys who does the moving and wiping, my husband helps a bit with moving and is the good guy who talks to her and keeps her calm and watches so she doesn't blind side me with a punch when I am not looking😁. My mom is in stage 7 Alzheimer's so it may be different than your mom. Others have talked about that loss of control our LOs feel...I also look at the intrusive nature of our intimate care. It must seem like I am molesting her, over and over, day after day...I don't blame her for being combative. We try to keep her calm by telling her each step as we "freshen her up." Bless her heart, how awful it must be.
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I agree with BarbB, plus "skin protectorant" sounds like prevention rather than cure, and it's a bit late for that. Get your mother seen as soon as you possibly can.
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