I'm 57 and moved in with my parents at the end of Dec. 2012 when I lost my job and home. Since then I have somehow taken on the task of Caregiver. My dad is 84, almost completely deaf, can hardly walk and gets frustrated and inpatient all the time. Which I would expect being he's in pain all the time. However, my mother on the other hand is really testing our patience. She wouldn't let anyone come to the house to help out as she feels she and I could do what needs to be done. My brother finally convinced her to get maid service. He said he would pay for it. Before you say have my brother talk to her, he is not one to listen to a sibling and chews me out.
Mom suffers with severe back pain and gets epidural shots. However, they don't work because she is supposed to take it easy for a few days but she goes straight to work picking up heavy items and running errands all over the place. Then she gets upset and starts crying because it hurts her to do the smallest task. I started having physical problems after I moved in here. I've had a knee replaced in 2015, a hip replaced in 2016 and now I'm having injections in my back to stop the pain in my upper thighs stemming from the nerves in my back. When I had my hip surgery, I wasn't able to fully recuperate like I should have as she made me feel guilty that she was having to do the chores around the house. So I got out of bed and started trying to do things which only aggravated my hip. In April 2017, I was scheduled to have an epidural when a couple of days before I found I couldn't move my right leg without screaming in pain. I literally couldn't walk on it. I believe it was from doing too much for my mom. She is starting to get confused and mixing up paying her bills to the wrong companies and losing paperwork I give her. She says things and then tells me I'm losing it when I tell her she never told me. I'm considering filing for disability benefits for myself and moving out.
My brother has a lot of money. Maybe he can convince her to get a Caregiver. I don't know what to do. I'm confused because my dad doesn't want me to leave but he sees how mom is treating both of us. I told him it usually takes 24 months to get benefits if any so he shouldn't worry. I think this is his last year with us. But mom who thinks more of how things look rather than care about the person told him to make his bed because she doesn't like how the maids do it. Who cares? He can't do it. If the edges aren't tucked in nice and neat who gives a flip. I care more for my dad then that stupid bed. Needless to say, I made the bed with a heavy mattress. My mom is so messed up with her priorities. As you can tell, I'm so stressed out I don't know if I'm coming or going. What do you think I should do? Should I file for disability benefits to move out which would take a year or two so I'll be here for dad or stop doing heavy jobs and if she chooses to do them then she pays the price? Which I think would be mean of me, but I can't do them and she won't accept help. She has me moving all my stuff into storage because it's just sitting there and she wants her place clean. I practically have moved everything out and feel unwelcomed unless she needs me. Please any suggestions will be more than welcomed.