I am 53 and have to live with her due to my health issues. I can't work and don't make enough in my disability check to live anywhere else. She has emotionally blackmailed me my entire life. Now she is starting to get dementia and treating me worse. Even though I am in a lot of pain most days, I'm the one that has always had to wait on her hand and foot. She does not appreciate me at all for everything I do for her. I have worked like a slave the last four years and my health has declined greatly because of it. A few days out of the month I crash and think of ways I can end my life. My sister just tells me to do what's good for ME and if I complain to my brother, he laughs about it. They both have good lives and mine is awful because everyday I am being tortured emotionally with the guilt she constantly throws my way. I have cooked super healthy meals and things she can eat without her having to wear her dentures. She refuses to wear them. So every meal I have to cut things into the tiniest pieces. She mostly eats the food I cook, I have to eat organic, I buy it, make gourmet healthy tasty meals , clean it up, and make enough so that she can have left overs the next day. My sister brings $100 worth of restaurant food to her about every 10 days and sabotages my efforts to keep mom out of pain and healthy. Mom has skin problems that are from gut problems and constantly complains . When she eats my good food for a week, her complaints stop but then continue when she starts eating the restaurant food. And I'm the one that has to deal with her complaints all day and all evening 24/7. She does give me about $300 a month to help me, but she expects so much more and I can't stay out past 11:000Pm and she threatens if I spend the night with a friend etc., that I can find a new place to live. I'm thinking that I have squatters rights and should be able to leave once in a while. She treats me bad and throws guilt trips on me if I don't do exactly what she wants. Then she is mean to me and ignores me when I don't act like she wants. I need the money to help with medicine and food, etc. so I'm afraid to do what I want to do for fear of her cutting me off financially and not helping me when I need something important. There is also the awful non verbal retaliation of ignoring me and acting like I am a stranger in the house that she has no relationship with. And this is not been brought on because of the start of dementia, it's ALWAYS been this way. My mom and I have always been too close with each other.she had no relationship with my father( her husband)other than her acting like a mother to him. She doesn't understand what boundaries are and I never made them because when I tried, she would emotionally blackmail me with different comments. I'm so worried about my future because she won't leave the house to me. It's going to be split with my brother and Sister. They both are fine and own their own homes and make good money and have no health problems that hinder them in any way. I can't stand my brother , he is awful to me and could care a less that I have health problems and that I'm unable to make it on my own. He won't even throw me a $20 bone. My sister is very helpful when I need help.
I've been to 3 different therapists and they all just keep telling me to ignore moms behavior and get on with my life. It's easy for them, they don't have to deal with the awful guilt trips and fear of not having anywhere to live. I'm just looking for other people's perspective .. I'll read everyone's reply. Thank you