My dad died 7 years ago. My mom was always kind of a closet narcissist, but without my dad around to check her worst tendencies, she's become incredibly toxic, passive aggressive, and manipulative. She is a master of Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG). Her favorite roles are "helpless victim" and "saintly martyr." I'm having a really, really hard time dealing with it. I realized she was a narcissist a while ago, so went "low contact." I live across the country and only talk to her once every two weeks. When I hang up the phone, I feel OK. But a few days later, without fail I start to feel horrible and I don't know why, and it's only in retrospect that I realize that it came from something she said during the call that I dismissed as "no big deal" at the time. The problem is that, in the meantime, I've done damage to my career or my marriage because I feel so horrible. And it seems like I've only recovered from one call that it's time for the next one and the cycle repeats. It's been so helpful to read others' stories on this forum about FOG. Any tips to spot FOG in the moment and keep it from getting under my skin?