Problems with clothes and supplies at Memory Care?

I posted previously but wanted to clarify that the staff were not the issue...it was other residents walking around and picking things up that didn't belong to them.

When I go to my mothers assisted living apartment now, I can't set my purse, keys or coat down for two seconds before she is picking it up or rifling through it.  I have to tell her that it is mine and to leave it alone.  Now imagine an entire floor of those people doing it...

Take pictures of all your mother's clothes. It is very handy to have a picture to show the staff exactly what they should be keeping an "eye open for". My mother somehow got a blue dressing gown marked with her name. It was not hers. My mom is 4ft 10in and weights 124 lbs. and the gown was an XXL. (rofl) Some kind soul had found the dressing gown, "knew" that my mother was the only one on the unit that wore dressing gowns and marked the label with my mother's name. After taking it back to the desk twice, I cut the label off and handed it back. Haven't seen it since.

I just put a Tile locator on my mom's brand new wheelchair cushion and I plan to buy two more Tiles: one for her wheelchair itself and the second for her three wheeled rollator.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that they can't provide soap and shampoo for 11k a month. This is part of the overall problem, we can't be responsible but you must provide and provide and provide.

I bought my dad dollar store products and then I knew that the lovely pampering products were not going home with staff, because that is what happens when people are not paid a living wage, they know that no one will question the products missing and it is to much temptation for some.

My mother was in a nursing home for 4 years. One blanket was lost never to be found. I had taken two pretty ones for her & her name on them. You may find your mother's clothes in the laundry too. Several times I had someone go to the laundry room with me (they had to unlock it) and sure enough, Mom's clothes were in the dryer BUT some were on the Lost & Found shelves! Her name was in all of them. I took a padded card table folding chair for Mom's sister and for myself to sit in because her chair owned by the nursing facility was gone. I put a sign on the back of it that it belonged to our family. It was gone TWICE and it was family members of other patients who just waltzed right in there & got it and did not bring it back and it had the sign in big letters on it. People just don't care. Yes, some dementia patients roam around if they are mobile and pilfer through other patients' things and take things they like but it is not always them. Sometimes, they are late doing the laundry and they are somewhere in that laundry room. Some were balled up in the bottom of Mom's closet (dirty). The CNA threw it in there when her clothes basket got too full. That's another story. Had to get the administrator involved. It is just going to happen in those facilities and her things could be anywhere in that facility.

My mother wasn't at the facility long enough for anything to go missing. But I know that it happens. Even if everything is labeled with the patient's name including toothbrushes, stuff does walk. Talk to the Ombudsman.

In a Memory Care facility, people have severe memory issues......they wander around inside one another's rooms (if they are unlocked), helping themselves to things they 'find', not realizing the items do not belong to them. You can put a name on an item, and it will still disappear. It's just the nature of the beast in such an environment, I'm afraid. You can alert the admin, and nothing will change. It is what it is.

I am a receptionist in a Memory Care facility and deal with the residents daily. One gal knocked on the lobby doors the other day and I went to see what she needed. She was holding 3 bathroom items; a bottle of body wash, a stick of deodorant (with a BITE taken out of it), and a bottle of shampoo. They had her name and room number written on them with black magic marker. She demanded to know WHO the items belonged to? I told her they belonged to her, and that I'd help her put them back inside her bathroom cabinet. She had a meltdown, insisting they were NOT hers but 'someone else's'. I said Okay, kept the items at the front desk for an hour, and had one of the care givers put them back in her bathroom later on that day.

The residents have no idea what's going on. This is why the administration suggests each resident have only minimal clothing and bathroom items in their room at any given time, and no items of value AT ALL.

It's important to know that there is no 'malicious intent' involved.......nothing that requires a 'police report' to be filed, nothing about 'stealing' and things of that nature. It's all to do with dementia and loss of reasoning, memory, cognitive power. In the end, the 'stuff' doesn't really matter; it's the CARE that does.

It can be frustrating to have to replace items for a loved one residing in Memory Care, I know, so I feel your pain.

When my mom was in a nursing home for rehab there were huge signs on the closet stating that I would wash her clothes.

Clothes still went missing. I walked down to the laundry room myself and found my mother’s clothes.

You can’t do this with being out of town. Unfortunately, clothes do go missing. It’s very common.

My godmother had ALZ and was placed in a nursing home. All of her clothes went missing and she would be dressed in rags. My godmother eventually went blind due to macular degeneration so she was an easy target for theft. She had two sons but one lived out of town and the she had a strained relationship with the other one because she hated his wife. Neither were able to visit often.

It needs to be brought to the attention of the facility. They can't fix what they don't know is a problem.

Sounds like they are very unorganized there.U can put her name on her clothes and shampoo n everything she has.Call them ppl n tell them what they better do or their license and jobs will be in jeopardy.They was stealing my grandmother stuff and washing all the ppl clothes at the same time n other things were going on too.I was a child at the time but my mom put her in another place that was very nice n didn't have that problem.Anyway,mom called the BBB n the certification board n they took them ppl's business license n shut them down.Pls don't let them ppl keep doing this to her.

Oh have I ever! This is a big issue where we have my mother in law! We have washable clothing labels on all her clothes that include her name and room number. Last Christmas they “lost” over $200 of brand new clothes that she never even got to wear! Come to find out they don’t wash each resident’s clothes by themselves. I hate that! For one I don’t want her clothes washed with others who may be sick or have feces on them. We don’t live nearby so I can’t do her laundry. Any ideas would be helpful! I hope you get your situation resolved.

Mark everything with her name and room number or your phone number. Things do get misplaced and worn out, but not to the degree you mention. Somebody is "borrowing" these items and never returns them. Have a talk with the memory care director's about the problem with "missing items". Explain that if it continues, you may need to file a police report.

As noted by others, things go missing for a variety of reasons. Clothing may just be misplaced, too soiled to clean or 'picked up' as a bargain by another resident. Toiletries and disposable panties shouldn't if properly put away, but again, the 5 finger discount happens too often.

Despite being told that each resident's laundry is done separately, I don't believe it. During her first year there, mom gained 20# (ice cream bars + not participating in any type of exercise or walking) and they asked me to buy some larger underwear. When I checked, there were some 'stretchy' underwear in her drawer. No idea where those came from, they were NOT my mother's, she never wore any like that, mainly cotton undies, perhaps a couple of older nylon, but not stretchy. Clearly someone was missing those!

More recently (we took all underwear when it was time for disposables) when I have visited I see her wearing some top/shirt/sweater combo that I don't recognize. Mom doesn't really walk on her own now, so it isn't likely she took them, more likely they are mixing laundry or just putting items back in the wrong place. Hopefully these items make their way back to the proper owner(s)!

I was a bit miffed when her "Boogie Board" (LCD screen to write messages down when she can't hear/understand) disappeared. She carried that around all the time, usually in her walker basket. Since refusing to walk, she is either in her transport chair or a wheelchair, with no way to carry it. It was not in her room. I figured that was a loss, but after being missing for weeks, it has reappeared! This item is VERY hard to miss. The plastic is hot pink, as is the sleeve it is stored in, and is about 5"x8" - this should be very obvious when seen and she is the only one who has one!!

Since you are not local, having someone either mark the items, put them away in a safe place where they might not be purloined or provide a secure unit to store them in, that only the staff can access might help with toiletries. It will be more difficult to control the clothing issue. While it is a pain to have to purchase more if too many items disappear, ensure she has enough to make do and replace with inexpensive items (I had to buy more clothes because of the weight issue - shopped walmart's clearance racks!)

When my mother was in a home, her purse and clothes came up missing. They wouldn't lock her door when she wasn't there, so that is what happened. The other dementia patients would sneak in her room and steal. I told the head nurse and she kept an eye out and found her purse after a long while in one of the patients rooms. Also laundry would not come back so I started washing it at home.

This is a universal problem....when we moved our aunt into a very expensive memory care unit, her things were constantly missing and we also found other residents property in her room.  They wander around and go into each others rooms and pickup eye glasses, false teeth, clothing and other personal items.  You just have to let it go.  It is uncontrollable.  You can write your mothers name on everything...but who is going to into every patients room and look for it?  We never could control it.  If we found something in our aunts room that we knew wasn't hers, we would take it to the nurses desk, but outside of that, we were helpless.  We just knew she was fed, bathed, given meds and as safe as she could be...had to let the rest go.

The next time you visit install a hidden camera somewhere and don't tell them.
I've never had that issue but that would seem the way to find out. First thing that came to mind.
If you trust the caregiver ask her to do it. Or report it to the head of the facility and make sure it's in writing.
That is crazy!

Can you attach a soap dispenser to the wall near the sink or shower? Try buying small tubes of toothpaste and just replacing them every week.

When my MIL was in a NH, I came and got her laundry every week. Three twin size comforters were lost forever. She often ran out of pants, I'm guessing some were thrown away when they got soiled.

Short answer. Yes. Long answer, it is definitely worse for women because there is a higher percentage of them in a facility therefore there is more opportunity for mix-ups. I have come to visit mom to see another resident wearing mom's sweater. A quiet word with the staff and the sweater was returned. Worst occurrence was when mom was in rehab. Her roommate's family removed all clothing from both closets even though mom's tiny clothes clearly wouldn't fit the roommate's larger frame when she was being discharged. I mean everything...coat, slacks, blouses, pajamas, sweaters. What amazed me was that no one working at the facility noticed that mom had nothing to wear. I came in to visit to find an empty closet. They were able to contact the family and most of mom's belongings were returned, but not one pair of the slacks came back. Mom is a petite size 2. Great fun shopping for replacements and hemming them. Tags don't matter either. I carefully tagged everything that dad and mom possessed. Kept a label maker in their bureau drawer. Kid you not, the label maker was taken never to be returned. Even when things don't go missing, the laundry is brutal on clothing.

Hi there... I don’t know how common this is, but at the very wonderful high end/high cost memory center where my father lives is a female resident that “loves to go shopping”. Unfortunately, that means “shopping” in other residents rooms... the care partners always check her room for things that don’t belong to her, and they’re usually really good about being able to tell what’s hers and what’s not, but it seems inevitable that things still go missing from time to time. If the care giver visiting your mom doesn’t do it already, maybe she could use a marking pen to put your mom’s name on the toiletries and clothing. It’s a frustrating situation to be sure.

My mom is in a long term nursing facility. They supply everything except her clothing and their policy is that you bring any new clothing to laundry to have her name stamped in before putting it in her closet. I only take in her favorite lotions, perfumes, etc occasionally. I am there at least twice per week and immediately notify the nursing staff when I notice something missing. It's rare that they don't find it after a while. Like others have said, patients wander and help themselves. Mom loses a lot of snacks that I bring in. Often the laundry workers are so overwhelmed that they get things in the wrong closet. When I find things in moms closet that aren't hers I either take it to the nurses station or to the room where it belongs if I know the name. I don't take in anything expensive if I can help it. Clothes don't last long because they wash everything in hot water and wash them often.

At first I used to get very upset over every incident. My theory now is not to sweat the small stuff as long as she is safe and getting the proper care. And I recommend visiting often and being observant.

Not personally, but this is an ongoing problem in most assisted living facilities.
Nursing Homes have had this problem for more than 40 years that I know of. Residents will wander in and out of rooms and take what they want. It's not malicious, they just don't know they are not supposed to do this. Even sewing names into all the clothing doesn't help.

My great-aunt was tall and thin and her clothing constantly disappeared 40 years ago from her nursing home. Yes, her name was in everything but it didn't help the problem.

At my mom's facility they lock all toiletries in a cabinet her room. Residents don't have access so your mom may have adequate supply but it's locked up.
Mom has also been claiming her clothes are missing ever since she moved in. Every time I'm there (at least weekly) I check and her clothes are in her closet or hamper. She has this thing about missing clothes, but they aren't missing....
This must be difficult to manage not living close to her. It took me a while to figure it all out living close! Between Mom's dementia, different caregivers and nurses, etc., its hard to tell what's really happening. Plus you also have a former caregiver going in who is a visitor, not an employee. Getting to know them all has helped and I would recommend getting to know the nurse in charge of the care plans via phone. They know what's going on or can look into your issues. For this kind of money, you should be able to get this service and hopefully you will find they do have your mom's best interests at heart and will probably be able to put your mind at ease.
Good luck!

Hi.
I used to work in SNF. We would grab anything we could find if we didn't have clothes for instance.

As started above, mark EVERYTHING. & unfortunately bring nothing valuable.
Patients with Alzheimer's walk unknowingly into others rooms!
I came in here to tell you that you are in a bind. Not living in the area is a def issue. So, if you know anyone, college student? Young lady, hire someone to check in her things & HER! they know who's- families aren't around believe me.
I doubt you're able to put her name on anything, but instacart or anyone who delivers will work.
Iinteresting you have her soaps etc in her pharma bill..in calif we don't do that.
Goodluck

Toiletries are not kept in the room, they may get eaten or used in other dangerous ways. It is amazing what those with dementia will think, sad. Facility's responsibility is to keep them safe.

Missing clothing? It would be wonderful if something could be figured out to keep clothing in the appropriate rooms. It could be disappearing after washing a resident wandering or even mom giving items away.

This happens LOTS in thse places. Always Something Missing. It is not Right. It happens Less when someone is Lokin gOUT by Visiting and Seeing wha tis goin gon once a week, Perhaps. Can you arrange this?

I really don't have an answer but wanted to share this: When my MIL was in a nursing home I made her a handmade afghan. It kept ending up in other people's room. It had her name on it (Large and impossible not to see) as well as her room number. It was stitched on so could be changed out if her room number changed. At least once a month I'd have to tour the facility looking for it. Once I found it and walked in to get it when a loved one of the person in that room asked me what I thought I was doing, taking her mom's stuff. She shut up as soon as I showed her the name tag. Next time I caught her trying to take the name tag off. I made her mother a lap robe of her own and that finally stopped that particular problem.

I complained to staff that I had to keep searching for it. They had no answers. All her clothes disappear over time so only left her a few outfits and took the rest home to launder. Then all these strange clothes started to show up in her closet. I was told it was stuff from residents who had "passed". Checking name tags I realized that wasn't true. Staff wasn't thrilled when I gathered up all the stuff that belonged to "live" residents and gave it to them to get to the correct residents. It went on and on.

Just before my MIL passed I took home the TV I had bought for her as she was no longer using it (completely bed ridden and slept all the time.) . If the staff had been more cooperative with her stuff I would have let them keep it.

She had good physical care but hoo boy! Everything she owned would grow feet and move to someone else's room.

Someone needs to be on top of things. Clothing needs to have her name in it even socks. I took pictures of everything I took to the AL and later LTC. That way I could show the laundress what I was looking for. I also found, that Moms clothes were being put in her roommates closet. I put her outfits on one hanger, that included a clean bra.

I never had this problem but others have. Aides taking Depends from one resident for another. I took one pack at a time. Thats 30. Moms bathroom had a cabinet with a shelf under it. I would stuff it with Depends putting the rest in the closet. Are u sure that the toiletries u order are getting to ur Mom?

For me, this was the stressful part of having Mom in an AL and then LTC.

Yes both of those happen a lot no matter how much you pay the facility. My mother's ALF would call me at the last minute to tell me she was out of something. So I would have to run around after work buying them or if they were form the grocery store I would order them on Instacart to be delivered. Also things would go missing, usually by other residents.

I had a relative in MC. They kept a container with relatives supplies in it and her name on everything. They doled out soap and shampoo as needed. You HAVE to put her name prominently with a sharpie on all her stuff. Put initials in waterproof ink in all her clothing, shoes, etc.

In MC, residents are bad about "wandering and plundering" each other's rooms. Other residents have probably taken her things.