Its $4,000 a month and they expect me to provide the Ensure and ice cream that is keeping her alive. She's 92 with Alzheimers. Something seems amiss. They used to try to get her to eat; now they just take the food away and give her the stuff I bring. Their contract says they provide the food for her. She's also been in hospice for months.
But that being said, most facilities are understaffed these days, so are you not able to go at least one of the meal times to try and feed her yourself? Or have another family member or friend do it? Or you can ask hospice if they can send a volunteer to assist her at one of her mealtimes.
At least she is drinking her Ensure and eating her ice-cream right? That is better than nothing. And the fact that your mom is now under hospice care with Alzheimer's means that she is dying and probably doesn't need much food anymore anyway.
Do you honestly want your mom to continue to suffer any longer than she has to with this horrific disease of dementia?
If you feel that your mom should get at least one good meal a day, then it may have to be you that goes and feeds it to her, or find someone else that can.
I'm sorry that you'll be losing your mom to this horrific disease.
And I just thought of this true story that one of the caregivers in my support group shared about her mother who had dementia and lived to be 103, and lived on just ice-cream and cashews for the last 5 years of her life.
There could be worse things to live on I'm sure, but I've always said after hearing that story that if I live to be that long that that is what I want for my diet.
4k is top dollar where we are and I'm still taking care of 2 homes and "kids". Other family members are too "busy" to acknowledge her existence since she hasn't any money to slather them with anymore. I'm alone, dad died 10 yrs ago.
Why is Mom in Hospice? She has Dementia, correct? As said they lose their tastebuds. Sweet they usually will eat. Not sure why they can't give her icecream but Ensure is probably not something they keep on hand so that you have to provide. By law, she can't be made to eat.
You need to talk to the Hospice nurse about you concerns. She can tell you about where she feels Mom is in her journey. Hospice is end of life care. Moms body will start shutting down at some point. First sign, she won't be able to swallow. At this point no food or liquid should be given because her body is shutting down. It does more harm than good because the body can no longer digest food. She will be kept comfortable.
Food in most places, with some diabetic restrictions and etc. is institutional cooking (think much like you would eat in schools.
So the place to start is with the foundation of knowing that in facility care is not and never will be "perfection". Sadly.
The next thing to understand is that our elders can become a bit "spoiled" in what they eat. My brother loved all things FRESH, and a lot of fresh veggies and fruits. The cooking more went to corn dogs, tho they tried for him with salads, but again, not what he would make himself at home. If your mom awaits your cooking, the food she has come to be used to and love, then as long as YOU are the solution there will be no other solutions.
Elders do overall begin to eat less and less and that she is still eating three meals in 90s is remarkable. I am eating one in 80s.
You should have a discussion with administration, and surely you should look into other care if available, and ask to attend meals while you are exploring, but I do think if your expectations remain high you will be disappointed. If it is kind care, and good care overall you will be so very lucky.
I wish you the best of luck.
Funkygrandma59 is correct: understaffing is a widespread and unsolveable problem in the US right now for multiple reasons. And I also had a very elderly Aunt with advanced dementia (and barely any teeth) who survived on the same meager and "unhealthy" breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for years until she fell and broke her hip at nearly 101 years old.
I'm sorry for the distress is causing you. Some perspective from other seasoned caregivers on this forum will hopefully help you have more peace about things.
Many people these days also hire a private caregiver to come on and feed their LO in LTC because that person can take hours to feed someone a meal. Facility aides do not have that kind of time.
Also at the end of life, refusing to eat is very natural, but difficult to witness.
This anger you are feeling is called denial, we don't want it to happen, no one does but we can't change the course they're on. If your mother has a church or if hospice offers a clergy, it's time to turn to them. I prayed with the priest and mom who was very happy to see him. Not only was she comforted but so was I! Knowing that she was happy is all that mattered and that left no room for grief!
I didn't even cry at her funeral, I accepted that it was her time and she no longer suffered. I bawled a year later at a memorial service and that was because I missed her and felt sorry for myself. I'm not a very religious person but mom was,I respected her for praying for us and there's nothing more we can do but let them go and be the person they raised us to be. I'm really sorry you're going through this trying time, it really hurts! Think about how you don't have to watch her suffer anymore and be happy for her. It's time to think about last rites and forgiveness for her soul,even if it's months,weeks or days away. Give her the peace and contentment she needs right now.