Dad is 88, has moderate Alzheimer’s and now a permanent urinary catheter. He lived with me/my family four years. We managed with help of various agencies and volunteers (we live hours way from any family.) Then prostate cancer led to urinary retention and catheter. After 2 wks in hospital and 6 wks in rehab care, Dad’s round-the-clock supervision/care needs were such that I was advised NOT to bring him home. So I found a good memory care AL where he has been for several months. He’s doing well there, though he takes catheter apart almost every night! I adore my dad – it pains me not to have him home – but I need to sleep!
Assisted living is private pay – NO Medicare/Medicaid funding - and funds are quickly running out. I found a state subsidy program that can help to pay for this special needs memory care AL, but he needs to have been in AL care for 12 months before he would be eligible. He has enough funds to get through 8 mos, maybe 10 when Veterans A&A comes through. If I can’t come up with the funds – he’ll have to be moved to a skilled nursing facility that Medicaid will cover. But Dad’s still in overall good health – he’s very mobile, social, likeable, can independently perform most ADLs with prompting – he likely has many more years. It would be a shame to spend those years in a skilled nursing home, when he could do well in AL.
Dad was an intended beneficiary of his mother’s trust (grandma lived to age 96!) A legal squabble between his brother (executor of grandma’s estate) and the executor of their deceased sister’s estate – resulted in almost all the estate assets going to pay legal and accounting fees – leaving Dad with less than five thousand $$ from the trust. Dad’s share of the ‘lost’ funds would have been enough to pay for another six months of care. I am told that legally there is nothing I can do; no sense spending more (of my own) money to go after funds that aren’t there. I am beside myself!!! For want of funds to pay for two months of care (about $20, 000) – dad will spend many years in SNF, instead of a higher quality of life in AL. Thoughts? Suggestions?
PS: Ah, yes, I’ve reached out to family – sharing the dilemma and my dismay over the outcome of the legal proceedings – asking for help/advice. My speaking up has set off a firestorm of bad feelings and accusations! I feel so alone and abandoned - and like this is tearing the entire family part.