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I live with 92 yr old mom, leg in cast for 5 months, last 7 months I've been doing everything, Everything, all day Everyday. I'm sleep deprived, loss of weight, depression, anxiety to its highest. Siblings dont help. Can't afford home care. How do I get them to give me a day off? I'm exhausted.

You've gotten great answers here and I can only add that my mother lives with me and my family. I could not count on my siblings to do more than visit with her so I hired outside help.

If your mother receives social security use it for caregivers. If she has savings, use it for caregivers. When it runs out apply for Medicaid, if you want to keep caring for her there are Medicaid waivers where you can be paid for being her caregiver if you live with her. I don't know how much that pay is or how many hoops you have to jump through for all of that but there are options depending on your state. Check out the Medicaid.gov site

Just please don't wait for your siblings to step up.
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Tiger55 Jun 22, 2019
Great idea to use the social sec funds toward care for her, (just keep excellent records, & receipts) so u don't get screwed. 🌷
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Is your mother on Medicaid?

Have you spoken to your local Area Agency on Aging?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I had the same situation ! I have 6 other siblings, 5 of whom live out of state. I threatened them and said I would leave Mom ( cuz I could)! So they came up with a plan to pay for a part time caregiver! One is really cheap and has a hard time forking the money, so I said “why don’t we switch places ! You live with mom and I will pay your share ($150 / month )! He immediately sent the money
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Tiger55 Jun 22, 2019
Well done!
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Some sibs just won't. Mine didn't. Had to get in home care from an agency, that mom paid for. You need to find other ways to get some time off. Call the Area Agency on Aging as Barb suggested. There may be programs that mom would qualify for. AAA can sure help you identify them.

How long are you planning on being there? How long have you been there? Who has the cast, you or mom? When will it be removed?
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Call every charitable organization in your area. There are many that offer volunteers to sit with your loved one for a few hours to help you get out of the house. Mostly they can only be with your loved one, no hands on caregiving, like changing depends.

Your local county council on aging agency is a good resource to help you.

Siblings that have not agreed to be caregivers are never helpful. The attitude of you decided to care for mom, I didn't, can cause many problems. Let them live with their choices and find alternative help. Trying to force them will only make things harder for you.

Community services such as catholic charities are a good start to finding resources that are offered free of charge.

Hugs! Caring for a parent is difficult at best, remember that you matter as well and find ways to care for yourself.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Please contact Area Council on Aging, Catholic Charities, Care Connection, United Way, Alzheimer's Association, Sheltering Arms....All of these places have senior services and better answers for primary caregivers like yourself. You have to make sure you are healthy, so your can be healthy for her. I am going thru a very similar situation. I reached out to agencies and her grandchildren. They are more receptive for some reason. Sending prayers.
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I agree with Taarna. Your county department of aging can connect you with a lot of different services. If you belong to a church, they may also have some ideas. When my husband needed constant monitoring, I used a combination of generous friends, a caregiving agency, and private pay individuals. If your mom can qualify for Medicaid, they will also give services for respite, but there is a lot of paperwork involved.
Even if your siblings won’t physically help, ask them to pay for a caregiver 2 afternoons or one day each week. Point out to them that this is causing you health issues and if you don’t get respite relief on an on-going basis, you may not be around to help at all. Then it will ALL be on them. Statistically, caregivers get ill more often than the general population. It is in their best interest to have you healthy!
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If you have email for every single one of them - send a group letter and a little research before you send the letter.
-Figure out what, exactly, you want from them. A 24 hr day per week, weekends off Fri night to Sun night, a full week per month, etc. Decide. Otherwise, you're going to get something like - I can come Saturday for a couple of hours and the only thing you're going to have time to do is complete personal errands for your mom (grocery, drug store) and absolutely no quality time for yourself.
-Call around to find out what your days off will cost. If you want Fri night to Sun night off and the best deal you can find is $400, include that price in your request.

Then your letter: I've been here for xx amount of time and the past 7 months have required 24/7 care. I need some help. Please get together and work out a calendar of when each of you can come to give me some relief for xx number of days per month. If you cannot come, please decide which one of you will collect the pay needed and pay the XX In-Home Health care company. I want to start this on MMDDYY because of my own health concerns. If I don't get some relief, I am going to have to check on facility care because I cannot do this much longer on my own.

Don't let them do the 1 or 2 hr visit because that will NOT give you a real break. And if that's all they offer tell them you need a REAL break, not a visit. Of course, you have to be aware that you may find putting her in a facility is perfectly acceptable to them and they have no plan to give her any of their time or money. At that point, you have a decision to make.
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Tiger55 Jun 22, 2019
Awesome answer @'my2cents', (such great detail & surely wud help our friend 'easoncynthia'.)
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Have you asked your siblings the direct question “ will you take care of Mom this date so I can get a break?” I did not ask directly so my husband did and my brother took Mom for two weeks. It was the only break I got for 7 long years. Just be direct and maybe someone will step up and help.
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Tiger55 Jun 22, 2019
Glad it worked out for you, (I think I helped when your hubby asked for the help) ...My family would have been the same way!
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No one is a 24 hour nurse/caregiver. You have needs for sleep, for nutrition, for healthcare, and for respite. Talk to your doctor - or your mom's doctor - to start getting social services you desperately need. Contact all the folks in your county and federal for help you can find - churches, department on aging, social security, outreach programs...

If your mom still needs a cast for her leg, maybe she qualifies for inpatient rehab services or a rehab/physical therapy evaluation. She may be capable of doing more activities that you do for her. It's hard to "not help" but in her best interests to let her work harder towards doing more for herself.

Ask your siblings for help, but have a list of tasks that they could help with: clean the house 1 day a week, take mom out for lunch once a week, take mom out for a haircut every 6-8 weeks, watch mom for a couple hours so you can do the shopping alone....
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