I think when mom has advanced dementia it's only fair that the children all help to care for her.
Right now my youngest sister is the primary caregiver. She lives with mom in a house rented by her and my older brother, who has a mental illness so is drawing military pension. Due to his mental disability he's pretty much useless as far as caregiving. But he agreed to use a sizable portion of his disability pay to help financially with rent, food, etc.
My younger sister is divorced and single with no social life, due to her care of mom. She works during the week and my mom goes to daycare during the week.
I'm married with 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren. I help out my younger sister by taking mom during the weekends and many times during the week when mom "acts up". Which is getting more and more frequent lately.
My other two siblings, a younger brother and older sister, do not help much. They only come around when my sister and I desperately need help. My older sister is married and both her and husband are retired. Their kids are all on their own. My older sister and my mom never got along well, so that doesn't help in the situation much. My younger brother is divorced and has a girlfriend he tries to keep secret about but we found out. He has 2 kids, one is an adult and the other in high school. Even his kids did not know about his girlfriend until recently.
My younger brother is the one with "all the excuses". He'll only help if we plead in desperation. Then he'll help. Maybe for one day if any. Most times he'll spend a few hours then leave.
My older sister will last maybe one day before my mother doesn't want to stay with her. She tries but her and my mom just don't click. And it's worse now because of moms advanced dementia. My older sister also has to undergo dialysis three times a week.
I want to ask my older sister and younger brother to take my mom for the weekend once a month each. If they do that, and I take my turn for a weekend, then essentially my younger sister, the primary caregiver will only have my mom for one weekend a month besides daily care during the week. I think this will be a huge relief for her and enables her to at least have a bit of a social life and enjoy time for herself and her friends.
Would anyone care to share feedback as to how to tactfully get this proposal presented to my siblings? I'm prepared for the BS my younger brother will try to pull and my older sister just gotta try harder to deal with my mom in her advanced state of dementia.
Just looking for ideas and to vent a bit actually. Thank you.