Exercise keeps me strong but I am human and want peace of mind. He needs help but he wants to make me as miserable as he is. What advise can you give me?
Learn3, is your son also acting somewhat as caregiver to you? Is part of the living arrangement that he provides care? I didn't do any research into your profile, or what has been happening with you until Stacy updated us a bit on what some of your needs might be. Is there a social worker involved with either your own case or your Son who could be turned to now with some needs and mediations over what isn't working well for you both in the household?
According to another post: "I have MS and had kidney cancer and spinal surgery." Your profile has alot of other problems including anxiety and depression which are also mental illnesses.
Sometimes when people are ill, they believe that they are doing much more for themselves than they really are. They do not realize the stress they put other people under especially when they have mental illness.
My advice to you is to realistically look at your conditions and consider placement or getting help from an outside agency and rely less on your son.
Thanks Stacy for updating us a bit more about the OP and about possible needs and expectations that cannot work for her and may be causing stress here. May be time for a Social Worker to intervene and discuss with both parties expectations.
Hey, Learn3. You answered your own question. Your son is mentally ill and verbally abusive. You know what will happen with this combination if he's allowed to continue living in your home with his illness going untreated and his behavior not being kept in check. His abusive behavior towards you will not stay limited to verbal abuse. He will become physical at some point and you are in danger. When he starts up call the police. He is mentally ill and they will take him to the hospital. This may get him to accept that he's mentally ill and needs help. If it doesn't then you can't let him live in your home because you will be in danger.
This, sadly, is more and more a problem. There really is no way of adequately addressing the problem of mental illness in our country. It is anything but an exact science, often poorly diagnosed, and almost always poorly followed up with good care in the uninsured, and of course most mentally ill adults end up uninsured. At best a call to police gets the person picked up, transported to ER, admitted a a psyc unit and put on meds; released when stable. And once released most go off their meds, and will be on interview frank as to say they prefer their "own world" unmedicated. Others self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, exacerbating the problems exponentially. Then there is the advice to "call 911". There can't be a one of us who doesn't recognize what is at times the outcome of this action. Someone going from verbal to picking up the nearest kitchen knife. In the case of the young, young MALES and young BLACK AND BROWN males, this can lead to their death. I would like to ask what your son's age, and diagnosis is. Does he have a caseworker? I am afraid you have brought up a subject that has NO good answer. The sad truth is that you may have to move away from where your son lives in order to get any peace. This leaves him a helpless victim of the system. Most of our homeless are either mentally challenged or addicted. Often both. I am really sorry for what you are going through. Work within the system the best you can, but I wish I had a better answer for you. There are organizations out there you can join that will help with advice. I don't offhand know what they are, but if you go to an Al-Anon meeting (where many deal with this issue daily) you will get good guidance.
You do not give much information about where your son is living. How old your son is. And what his problems might be. Drugs, mental illness, PTSD, (if he is a Veteran you might want to call the VA they may be able to help) If your son is an adult you tell him to leave. You give him a date and he has to be out by that date. Sounds easy right. WRONG. You may have to legally evict him by filling papers at the court house and you sill have to go to court. The judge will order eviction and a specific date. You can not remove his belongings until then and if you wish ask for a Sheriff to be there. What happens at that point is up to him. He either sinks or swims. If he sinks toss him a line by referring him to places he can go to get help. Do not let him back into the house. He may have to hit rock bottom before he learns to tread water then swim. Change the locks on all the doors. Change the garage door code if you have a key pad. If he has had access to your computer change all the passwords. Make sure he can not get into any of your bank accounts. If he starts at any time getting physically abusive call 911 right away.
Just to add, he doesn't have to get physical for the police to be called. If you feel like you are in danger because of his verbal attacks you can call the police and have him removed. At that point you will want to file a PPO, personal protective order, this will make it illegal for him to contact you in any way, it also means that you can not contact him.
There are so many laws protecting seniors from any type of abuse.
Sometimes when people are ill, they believe that they are doing much more for themselves than they really are. They do not realize the stress they put other people under especially when they have mental illness.
My advice to you is to realistically look at your conditions and consider placement or getting help from an outside agency and rely less on your son.
His abusive behavior towards you will not stay limited to verbal abuse. He will become physical at some point and you are in danger. When he starts up call the police. He is mentally ill and they will take him to the hospital. This may get him to accept that he's mentally ill and needs help. If it doesn't then you can't let him live in your home because you will be in danger.
Then there is the advice to "call 911". There can't be a one of us who doesn't recognize what is at times the outcome of this action. Someone going from verbal to picking up the nearest kitchen knife. In the case of the young, young MALES and young BLACK AND BROWN males, this can lead to their death.
I would like to ask what your son's age, and diagnosis is. Does he have a caseworker?
I am afraid you have brought up a subject that has NO good answer. The sad truth is that you may have to move away from where your son lives in order to get any peace. This leaves him a helpless victim of the system. Most of our homeless are either mentally challenged or addicted. Often both.
I am really sorry for what you are going through. Work within the system the best you can, but I wish I had a better answer for you. There are organizations out there you can join that will help with advice. I don't offhand know what they are, but if you go to an Al-Anon meeting (where many deal with this issue daily) you will get good guidance.
If your son is an adult you tell him to leave. You give him a date and he has to be out by that date. Sounds easy right. WRONG. You may have to legally evict him by filling papers at the court house and you sill have to go to court. The judge will order eviction and a specific date. You can not remove his belongings until then and if you wish ask for a Sheriff to be there.
What happens at that point is up to him. He either sinks or swims. If he sinks toss him a line by referring him to places he can go to get help. Do not let him back into the house. He may have to hit rock bottom before he learns to tread water then swim.
Change the locks on all the doors. Change the garage door code if you have a key pad.
If he has had access to your computer change all the passwords. Make sure he can not get into any of your bank accounts.
If he starts at any time getting physically abusive call 911 right away.
There are so many laws protecting seniors from any type of abuse.