My mother refuses to think seriously about putting him in a nursing facility. He has fallen several times and I have to go over to help him up. He cannot walk and has trouble standing for more than a few minutes. He is a tall man, much taller than me, and is difficult to move, though at this point he weighs less than I do. The tirades he goes on are very upsetting. I hate to hear him yell and curse at my mother since she does so much for him.

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Has he had a full medical evaluation? That’s an important first step in knowing what you’re dealing with and helping. You’ll need to contact the doctor ahead of the appointment and let him/her know what’s going on and make the visit happen, even if it takes a creative story to get dad there. There may be meds to help calm him or other considerations the doctor can help with. Your mother shouldn’t be in a dangerous situation
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Reply to Daughterof1930

It might be useful to ask your mother at what point she would consider a nursing home (or AL is that is appropriate). Sometimes it's easier to think about more or less in the abstract, and it does get it out in the open on the list.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

If his behavior is long standing then your mom has grown accustomed to it. In other words it may have become normalized for them.

If it’s something new then he should be checked for a UTI. His doctor should be called to see if it’s possibly a reaction to meds. Has he been placed on any new meds? Perhaps it’s time for a cognitive evaluation.
If you want to help your mom, arrange to stay with your dad and give your mom some free time.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

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