My M&D will probably both need care eventually, but I do not want POA for them. I am the only child, what advice do you have for me?

Being their PoA gives you the legal power to create a caregiving arrangement that is not onerous to you and but yet protects them. Without it, and without their cooperation, you won't be able to bring in help, or transition them to a facility very easily, if at all. You may need to resort to the county becoming their guardian, and then you will have little to no say in the management of their affairs (and no insight as you will be locked out of all their accounts). This would take time and effort. IMO being PoA will be helpful to everyone concerned.

I look at a POA as a tool. It does not obligate you to be their hands on Caregiver or be at their beck and call. It gives you the ability to gain access to their financials so you can pay bills and set them up with the care they need. If there is no money, you are not obligated to use yours. POA gives you the ability to find resources for them and to apply for those resources as their representative. One resource being Medicaid paying for their care.

Your parents should not be left alone if Dad can no longer care for Mom. You may want to call Office of Aging to evaluate your situation and help you find resources. I would say Moms ready for a Longterm facility. Dad maybe Memory Care.

OP, do you understand the purpose of having POAs in place? It's to protect you and to enable you TO place your parents in managed care AL or SNF when the time comes that they need such care and when you want to relinquish caring for them YOURSELF. As an only child myself, the first thing I wanted in place for my parents WAS financial and health POAs so I could make decisions FOR them. When dad fell and broke his hip, the rehab would not release him back to Independent Living. Thank God I had those POAs in place b/c I was then able to get him into Assisted Living, get mom OUT of IL and in with him in AL, pay all their bills, buy furniture for them in AL, dispose of their stuff in IL, etc. Without those POAs in place, I would have had NO access to their funds in order to do all those things, or the ability to sign FOR dad to place him in AL.

I had no intention to do hands on care for my folks which is why I wanted those POAs in place originally. My intent all along was to get them into IL and then AL when they became unable to live alone in IL. I needed to have the ability TO make those decisions FOR them, and that's why POA was required. Also to make all those financial decisions as to how their money would be spent over a 10 year period when they could no longer manage their own money. As financial POA, I was NOT responsible for any of their bills.........just for how their funds would be SPENT, that's important to note.

POAs can be your best friend, especially since you do not want to do hands on care FOR your folks during your retirement years. How else will you go about placing them in managed care w/o those POAs in effect? As POA for mom (after dad died), I got her into Memory Care AL due to her advancing dementia; as her POA, I had the power to make ALL of her decisions since she was incapacitated to do so. I was able to oversee all of her care and get all the medical info pertinent TO her care as her POA. W/o that document, only God knows what would've happened!

See an Elder Care attorney who can explain all this to you much better than I can, and much better than anyone here on the forum can. It'll be the best couple of hundred bucks you've ever spent.

Good luck.

We went thru a similar situation with our aunt as she had no children and we were all the family she had left. She didn’t live with us but reached the point she could no longer stay on her apartment by herself as she wasn’t eating, taking meds and that’s just the half of it. She ended up going to the ER with a severe UTI She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks and we were guided by a social worker and some other staff who helped us get her transitioned into a skilled nursing facility which is exactly what she needed. We did not have a POA but everyone was willing to help us with all the paperwork etc and it took awhile but we eventually got her qualified for Medicaid. Long story short I think having a POA in place would have made the matter at hand much easier. Best of luck

As POA you decide what course of action to take.
It does not mean you have to personally care for them.
It means you decide... do you hire, using their money, their assets, caregivers that come into the house OR do you place them in a facility that will meet their needs. That could mean Memory Care or Skilled Nursing if that is what they need.
The bottom line is you manage their money so that it goes as far as it can paying for their care. It means you manage their medical care. That can mean anything from you personally taking them to appointments or getting in home visits, to selecting Hospice to hiring a Care Manager that will report to you. (and parents pay for Care Manager)

If you live with them WITHOUT POA you are in a very helpless position. You have already taken on the duties of POA without the guidance, help, and powers that go along with it.
I honestly cannot imagine what you are going to do now, given you have putt he cart before the horse and have taken your parents into your home. Legally that makes it THEIR home whether they pay rent for it or not
You have painted yourself into a very bad corner indeed. I suggest you see an elder law attorney to find out that your options are now. You have taken on so much that it may be too late to step away without charges of abandonment. You cannot take in people who are nearly helpless, then wait until they ARE helpless and say "Whoops; only kidding. Out you go".
I wish you every luck and I hope you will update us on what advice you get.

I think you need to get some legal advice about what a POA actually means – even if you get it off Google. With a POA, you can hire a care director who will organise all hands on care (and check back to you only about major choices, if you wish). You do not need to do any hands on care, or even handle finances – if you choose to delegate that responsibly for finances. My dreadful father delegated all money issues to a Trustee Company. Legal POAs don't change diapers.

Without a POA, you have no power at all, even if you are very dissatisfied with what is happening with your parents. That includes if you think that your inheritance is being ripped off.

There are middle steps you need to know about, between ‘washing your hands’ of it all, and ‘taking on the burden’ yourself in person. Do some more checking before you make these decisions.

To Kmjfree- bear in mind that “….her perception of me….” has NOTHING AT ALL to do what you are obligated to do as power of attorney, but having the legal designation of POA can become VERY HELPFUL if you ultimately need to assume responsibilities regarding care/financial management or other aspects of her care.

I had no one but myself to be responsible too, but as my mother’s ONLY legal representative, the POA designation made everything easier, and not more complicated.

Do a little research before you decide…..

If you live with them, and you help them with their care, you need a POA. I was full-time caregiver for my Mom, and it came in handy in a number of situations where decisions needed to be made.

I was also my Mom's Executor, and Health Care Proxy. My siblings were not involved. Each year, Mom and I would review these important documents, including her obituary. We would then sign and date a sheet noting we did this. I wanted to give her a sense of engagment and have a record that she was aware of what was going on. When she passed, I knew what I had to do.

The decline with your parents will sadly continue, and you need to decide what is best for them and for you. Having the POA is a tool to help you do just that. Please see your attorney.

Yeah, you do want/need power of attorney (POA). Its the only way you will be able to make decisions on their behalf.

POA doesn’t mean you personally take care of them, You either hire someone (using their funds) or place them in a facility (using their funds or applying for Medicaid if they don’t have funds). But you can’t apply for Medicaid for them or direct any of their funds unless you first have POA.

See an elder care attorney ASAP, so you can control what happens to your parents. You need to have an understanding of how this system works to make proper decisions.