My FIL has been living with us for the last 5-6 years. He has dementia which is worsening. Recently he has become incontinent of urine and stool, having frequent falls and his confusion is worse. He has a caregiver during the day. My husband is burned out and resentful (as am I). He can hardly stand to talk to him anymore. My FIL has always been a very stubborn man and is an alcoholic. Initially we decided to let him have his wine but with all the recent issues I’ve decided to wean him off with his doctors approval. On top of this we work full time and have two kids. I think my husband has incredible guilt about placing him in a home because he knows his dad’s wishes were always to stay home but I think at this point he would get better care in a professional setting. I’ve tried explaining this to him stating we can’t think about what he wants anymore. We have to think about what’s best for him.
My husband is not flat out against it but I’m definitley sensing resistance. I don’t know how much more I can take of this. I literally came home this morning after working 14 hours to him covered in feces, wearing underwear on the outside of his pants, refusing to get bathed because his caregiver took his wine away. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to persuade my husband to see we are getting in over our heads? I really don’t want to be “that wife” that makes him choose between his dad or his wife/family. Despite all of this we do have a good marriage but I feel like I’m at the end of my rope here.