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She dislocated her shoulder and fractured her wrist. Her fall could've been so much worse so I am thankful she didn't injure herself more than that. I am comfortable with the rehab she is in so I know she is safe and being well taken care of.


I'm feeling very guilty for even saying this, but I am so happy to have a break. How do I get past the guilt and try to enjoy and recharge instead?

As long as you did not push or trip her and cause her fall, you have no reason to feel guilty. My husband was in rehab for 4 1/2 months 2 years ago and when he was no longer in danger with his heart and I knew he was being well cared for, I was on vacation! I didn’t cook! I cleaned when I wanted to! I got my hair cut! (Haven’t had another cut in the two years he’s been home). I watched what I wanted to on television! I even ordered a movie I wanted to see and watched it! I ate fast food! I didn’t have to answer continuous questions about where I was going and what I was doing every time I got up out of my chair!

Recharge, relax and enjoy! This is a golden opportunity to find yourself again!
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Liss79 Apr 18, 2019
"This is a golden opportunity to find yourself again!" LOVE this! : )
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Thank you everyone for the responses. Your kindness and support is truly appreciated. I have carried this alone for so long thinking I was alone in everything I was feeling and going through. Most people my age have no idea what caregiving is about or how hard it is, nor can they relate so I struggle to open up to my friends. Then I found this site and as I am reading the comments and questions, I am taken aback, as these are some of the EXACT same things I was questioning or wanting to vent about for years.
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Jneeley Apr 20, 2019
A new coworker and I had this same conversation just yesterday. Now that we are talking more about these challenges in helping provide elder care, we are finding each other. I forwarded her the information to join this group, and also to my friend and my sister who is the primary caregiver for my mother. It really helps to hear each other’s stories and fears.
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I might take it as a sign that I needed to lessen my load. Caregiving and working full time for many years, man.....I'd question if I was burned out. Burned out people sometimes have inexplicable feelings that aren't warranted. I'd use the time to survey my situation and explore options for help.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 18, 2019
Sunny,

I totally agree.
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You're kidding, right? I don't mean to be unfeeling, but I would give anything to have even a couple of days away from my mother. If you spend one more minute feeling guilty, you are robbing yourself of an opportunity many of us wish we had. No, I don't want my mother to fall and end up in rehab. But if she does, I'm taking advantage of every minute of freedom I have. Sorry, but I'm tired of sugar-coating caregiving, making it out to be this gloriously rewarding "opportunity." No, it's not. It's a daily grind that steals your life. Live yours while you have the chance.
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mmcmahon12000 Apr 20, 2019
And ask for help so you can get a break. Look in your area Debbye, there might be an adult day care or even a home health agency that can help you get a respite.
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I don't understand why we humans have this need to feel guilty about our feelings. 🤔 You're not glad she fell; you're not glad she broke her wrist; but you ARE glad you are getting a little break! And that's perfectly okay and understandable! I guess maybe it all seems tied in together. We are complex emotional beings.

Did you ever do something really stupid that cracked you up laughing and also hurt like crazy, all at the same time? Hit your funny bone, maybe? I can think of a few but am not going to share them here, but yeah, I have had a few incidents where I was crying with pain and laughing my head off at the same time. Think I even peed myself. My point is, it's okay to enjoy your time off, guilt-free, and still feel sympathy for the injured party.

So no, there is nothing wrong with you enjoying a bit of respite under the circumstances. If emotions are like colors, this kind of event can be like a beautiful sunset. Several emotions all mixed up together to make something memorable. Yes, there are the dark clouds of pain. But there is also the sunshine of knowing it's a minor injury, she'll get good care, and you'll come back refreshed and rested. So enjoy!
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You hurt your Mom?! Wow. Oh wait, NO, NO, you didn't . (sorry for the sarcasm).Things happen. The stories I could tell about my Mom, and the unforeseen and unavoidable things that happen despite ALL best efforts to prevent them. It is what is it is, and it went how it went. We do the best we can to take care of them. Recharge while you have the time. You deserve it. Let it go and get yourself situated. Apologies if I sound harsh. Guilt serves no purpose in caregiving if we are doing the best we can. Enjoy your time when she's in a safe place. Take a little trip, dance naked in your living room, read a book. Whatever your 'thing' is. Just do it.
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Those are normal feelings! My husband has been hospitalized twice since his stroke. Two other health reasons. I felt a little guilty but then enjoyed my time away from him. I slept through the night without interruptions! I had some time for me!
DL
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Honey do not feel guilty. My husband fell also went to the hospital then rehab. I, too, felt guilty because I was okay with it.
This was the first time in 3 years that I was able to get a good nights sleep. He is back home now. He has Parkinsons and dementia. His caregiving needs are starting to get beyond what I can do for him and now I wish he was back in the rehab nursing facility. I did hire a caregiver and he left after 1 week. I am simply overwhelmed. Sorry, I’m just venting right now about my situation. I hope for the best for you and that all works out for all involved.
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Psalms23 Apr 20, 2019
Praying with you 🙏 to get the help you need. Finding a place or getting relief at home. Keep looking up. 🤗
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You used the word "recharge" and that is exactly how you can view this time.  You need your strength when taking care of your mom, so use this time to take care of yourself so that you will be your best when she comes back home.   I cared for my dad for 8 years and in all that time had NO time for myself.  I would have welcomed a short respite from the stress of fulltime care. 
Also there is no reason for you to feel guilty, even though I know it is natural to feel so.  You are a blessing to your mom, and she loves you.  She would want you to be happy and free of pressure and stress.  So go ahead and recharge guilt-free.
Bless you for being a loving child to your mom.
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It is alright to feel guilt it comes with this and will be a given.
I felt it every time dad fell or got sick and had to be in the hospital.
Would pray for him to have to stay for days in the hospital as I live in house with my parents.
Full time 24/7 year round.
Came home with guilt, tears in eyes, showered, clean the house got some sleep knowing it was time for a recharge, breath in and out, yoga and cardio.
You will make it. Know that it's ok
I'm still in this from Dec
2009 til current now with mom.
Dad passed on April 12, 2018, Full-time non paid no income.
Welcome that breather moments with guilt and tears to care for yourself.
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