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I am my mother's sole cargiver. She is 84 and on hospice. She does have dementia, so my only breaks are when I can get her into the nursing home for 5 days and I get a break. They offer it 1 time a month.


I worry that some will say that it's going to cause her dementia to get worse when I take these breaks. Anyone else have this conundrum?

Yes! It is the right thing!
For both of you! She gets attention from others, and you get a break for your sanity, which you will need if you are to continue being a good caregiver for your mother.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks! And, if you are worried that you are contributing in some way to her cognitive decline, you are not! You can not stop her dementia from progressing. And, her having this experience is likely good for her mental health. Interactions with others rather than solely isolated with you is not going to hurt her!

I'm so excited because this last week, I finally got hospice care for my husband, whom I've been caring for for 10 years, 24/7 without a break! I met with the hospice social worker, and she will take care of all the arrangements and transportation to get him into a nursing home for 5 days so I can finally breathe in my own home without hearing him constantly yelling out for help!
At this point, I don't even care how the experience will be for him. If they can keep him alive for 5 days before returning him home to me, I can hardly wait for this much needed break!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Thank you for that my mom has been on Hospice for 1 yr and it's been such a big help to me the Chaplain the nurses just to talk with them when they come over. Yes the S.W. does arrange everything my mom is gonna get picked up August 2 to 7th. I am going to Florida for a break as it seems when I stay home I just do more work but when I go somewhere I get more rest. I hope everything goes well for you.. Thank you for the encouraging words.
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Take the 5 day a month break if offered and put her in respite. It won’t matter with her condition in the long run and it’s good to get her used to a respite stay before her condition worsens. You can go away or just enjoy being in your home with less responsibility and privacy for those 5 days. Or a little of both. Enjoy the Freedom. Get her used to the respite routine. Thoughtless people who criticize you can be advised to visit with her every day during her respite stay. And mind their own business unless they are willing to participate in mother’s care.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Thank you thank you I am getting more excited.
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Not trying to be smart here, but does it matter that her Dementia worsens, she is on Hospice. To be excepted to Hospice she is at the end of her life. Take your much needed break.
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Not at all smart I like things told to me straight up ex military :) and I am going to Florida :)Thank you
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If you have a hospice agency that offers respite for 5 days every month, that is unheard of as hospice is to offer respite care only once every 90 days for up to 5 days. So I guess count your blessing there.
And your moms dementia will only get worse regardless if she spends time in the nursing facility or not, so just make the best of your breaks and know that once a month respite is not the norm for hospice.
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Oh wow I did not know that and yes it's 5 days every month here in Oklahoma. So very thankful after reading all these posts. I am really, really encouraged.
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PLEASE do not listen to anyone that tells you that you getting a break from being a full time caregiver is going to make mom's dementia worse. My Lord how much worse could it get. She WILL continue to decline, the dementia WILL get worse, she WILL not get better no matter how much you care for her. This is a fact of life with dementia.
Please take care of yourself.
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Yes I just have to keep reminding myself of this its hard to let go of the person they use to be.
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No, it isn't likely that it is going to make it worse. Who can know; perhaps the extra activity will make it better. This isn't ever going to be known, so why would you add to the torment you already have caring and standing witness to all this. The dementia is her life now, until she is able to peacefully pass. Please allow yourself the respite that you need to survive this.
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Thank you these are the re-assuring words I needed to hear. And you are right we just don't know the Hospice nurse said it's her journey.
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Her dementia will get worse if you take respite care or not. Do it ❤️
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Reply to YoungestOneof4
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Your moms on hospice, you deserve a much needed break. Go and have fun, try not to worry, I'm sure your done enough of that. 🫂🫂
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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I agree with everyone else. Her dementia is going to get worse period. Take the breaks!! They will help you and you matter.

If someone says the respite facility is bad for her, ask this someone if they feel so strongly, would they step in to care for her 24/7 to give you a break.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Soldier4Christ Jul 17, 2025
Thank you and that is the big part I have rarely thought about myself I always care for others.
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It is a hard decision. We want to take care of our loved ones the best we can & not do anything that makes them worse. But not getting a break now and then can make things worse because we get burnt out. We get tired & cranky. Worse yet, our health takes a beating & we can’t care for them as well or at all. So not only does respite give you a break & chance to rest, it helps you continue to be a good caregiver.
It was still a hard decision for us with our dad, so we still researched the places hospice would cover the respite at, almost like we were placing dad, to ease our minds some. And like others have said, ones with dementia are going to continue to get worse with or without respite care. It also gives you a chance to see how she does in a facility if you ever need to place her in the future.
You are a loving caregiver. Taking a 5 day break/rest doesn’t change that. Enjoy your time of rest.
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