How old are you? Interesting range of ages and situations here has me curious... - AgingCare.com

How old are you? Interesting range of ages and situations here has me curious...

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As a relatively young caregiver (43), I think much of my resentment and irritation often comes from the fact that I've done the marriage thing, the divorce thing, the raising the kids thing...but I've never had the opportunity to do the alone thing. I've never once lived on my own without a spouse, kids, other relatives (spouse's or mine) living with me - not once. So sometimes I feel my relatively young age and my situation as caregiver for my mom makes me resentful of the fact that I really have no life of my own. (Of course, I don't let that resentment show to mom or anyone else, but it's there, and I'm sure it's there for others as well.)

I was just wondering how old other caregivers here are, and if the more mature caregivers feel as stuck and resentful as some of the younger ones.

Don't get me wrong - as I've said in another post, I know that like many caregivers, I put myself in this situation, and no one forced me into it. I volunteered to drop everything in my life and move in with Mom because she needed someone, and I was the only one that could do it without too much difficulty (boy, is "difficulty" a relative term!). But I thought it would be nice to see thoughts from others to get an idea of the range of ages.

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I understand the resentment part.... when my parents were my age [68] they traveled everywhere, went out to eat, went to the movies, they were never home. Neither of my parents had to care for their own parents. My parents have no clue what I am going through, and I resent it tremendously.

If I had know 5 years ago what I know today, I would have done things differently, like saying *no* more often to my parents demands.
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I was 45 when my mother lived with me for 3 years, then I was 48 when my mother in law lived with us, then I was 51 when my father in law lived with us. I had to quit my job, resentment, I think we all have some sort of selfishness to us, so do not allow that to make you feel guilty. When I read what you stated, I could relate in many ways only times 2. (and I really don't want to get into my personal life). Just remember, that these people need you for a short time on this earth, and you are thanked for it regardless of if anyone says "thank you". Care giving, is a thankless job. Meaning, you do a lot of grunt work and people are not at the water cooler saying "thank you". You have to thank yourself. You have to dream for yourself. Plan to do something for 4 days just by yourself. Make yourself a priority. Otherwise it will never get done. Trust me on that one. I was caregiving, and didn't take a day off in 4 years, and almost ended up in the hospital from exhaustion. I now take four 4 day trips a year, camping, and it makes all the difference in the world.

take care of yourself.
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Im 55 never married, no children, successful career until i resigned to take care of my mother w Dementia. Ive been alone all my life w a few relationships along the way. I was an international flight attendant so i pretty much had a different kind of lifestyle. Fast foward 5 years of caregiving and im resentful, angry, self esteem non existent, no social life, severe depression and i have checked myself into a behavioral health hospital because I was seriously losing it. Im not sure what im going to do moving forward but i know i cannot do this anymore. Worse is i cannot go back to my career.....granted its been a really bad day today which is why I logged on tonight...ok thanks for listening. ....those are my thoughts on caregiving from a single 55 year old woman who 5 years ago felt 20 ....fast foward to now...i know i dont feel 20 and i dont know what 55 is supposed to look like? I think i probably just feel my cronilogical age which means ive aged 35 years in 5. :/
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I'm almost 58, Mom almost 80. I did the married thing (twice), the single mother thing, the career thing, the living alone thing, the live-in Nanny to my Grandchildren thing,and have been here with Mom for 2 years. I believe in God's plan, and just follow where he leads me. This is where I'm supposed to be now. I am happiest when I'm taking care of someone. The grand kids where MUCH more fun than Momma........just sayin, wink.
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Hello there, I do believe that experience has a way of dictating the opinions that we form. At the moment, I'm filled with resentment. I'm sure it will pass. I'm 43, married, and have 2 grandchildren. My mother has been living with us 24/7 since my dad passed away in 2012. After over a year, I started using respite care, but it isn't enough anymore. I start dreading my mother coming back here, days before she does. We are moving her to full time assisted living this month (the place is less than a mile from our home, so I will be back and forth a lot). I think the resentment comes from my parents being 38 and 42 when I was born. I'm jealous of my friends, my age, that get to travel with their parents that are barely in their 60's. I realize that everybody ages at a different rate, and I personally know many people in their 80's that are active and with it. My 81 year old mother looks and acts like a woman of about 99. I had my children young, and I became a first time grandmother at 38. We all have a blast, but mom doesn't want to do or be included in anything. She is a very quiet and shy person, which the rest of us aren't. She is a typical, "Debbie Downer"...she knows how to bring down a room. She worries about EVERYTHING..and there is nothing that she won't complain about. (She has literally complained her way right out of my home). It is hard to be young enough to want to be out in the world, and then find yourself in a position that seems to get only worse as the days turned into weeks, then months, then years. I'm hoping that the move will bring back the Mother/Daughter relationship a bit. If I'm taken out of the direct caregiver role, I think the resentment will fade. I'll keep everyone posted as to how the big move goes.
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You all have brought up an interesting topic, and an excellent reminder for all of us. One day, WE will be the ones needing care, barring any catastrophic event prior to our old age.

I, for one, do not want my children to have to be in the position I find myself in now. I am going to make every effort to fund my retirement and long-term care before that happens. If the time comes where I can't care for myself any longer, I will go to a nursing home or assisted living community before I will move in with one of my kids. I don't ever want to put them - or myself - in that situation.

Definitely a good reminder...
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I am 61 caring for my 90 yr old mother. Outlived my first husband at 43 raised our 3 children in their teens on my own or should I say survived our 3 teens. Remarried my current husband when the last teen graduated high school. Moved to another state built our home on a ridge overlooking 2 beautiful Oregon valleys. Then added a small cottage for mom and here we all are watching the eagles fly, the deer run by, and my mother HATES it because there might be mice or ants. Dementia the gift that keeps on giving :-(
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I am 27. I have been caring for at least one grandparent for the last 4 years.

I too am looking forward to doing the alone thing. I went from living with roommates in college to one grandparent with alzheimers and one with mobility issues.

A lot of my friends are married and are starting their families. I am single and I do not see myself wanting kids, since I feel like I already have 2.
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I was 45 when I moved in with my mom to take care of her when my dad passed away. I'm 49 now. Sometimes I feel cheated out of my life. I'm single my kids are grown (son lives with us he's 24). Feel like this should be my time to have a life and I don't. I wouldn't be so resentful about taking care of her because I love her I just don't like her at all. She doesn't appreciate anything I do, she has become so lazy and always calls me a liar when I tell her doctor the truth. But someone has to be there for her my sister doesn't bother to help. Wow that feels good to get that out :)
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ive had hors and ive had ladies,
ive made love and ive made babies,
lol. told ya the david coe music makes me belligerant for a week or so.
im 55 , my b**tard sons are raised and i agree with boni. i have time in my life for an elder or two now. i think the term " dementia " has come to me to mean just another worn out , diseased organ . ( the brain ). i find this type of care to be extremely fascinating. i think most elders suffer dementia at various levels.
my aunt edna is getting late stage and her nouns have became too much trouble. im just the guy with the beard now. mental illness has always fascinated me..
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