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I am an only child and my parents moved to AL from IL to live with me. We had a caregiver come in while worked. All that money is gone and my Mon is getting worse every day, She has no concept of the money she is just throwing away. My Father has dementia and is getting abusive to my mom, she says she just wants to die and get it over with. She has wandered off several times, and then gets mad when we are concerned. My day only seems to care about himself. I am on 3 months probation at work because I can't concentrate. I have lost all my friends because they both let their license expire. I miss a lot of work and cry all the time trying to do the right thing. Mom just takes money out of the bank and blows it, My frig is full of rotting food, because the caregiver takes her to wal-mart and she spends 300.00 on groceries, that I have to dispose of before the are poisoned with rotten food.Help, I know there is no easy answer but I really feel like I'am loosing my mind. I asked for a less stressful job, do I would have more energy for them. I was told to get over it and put them in a home.l

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I said "medical" POA but I meant "financial" POA.
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It sounds like one issue is that you have to drive them all over. I don't know what area of IL you live in, but some areas have what's called the PACE bus. It's a bus that seniors/disabled can get to come to their door to pick them up for appointments. In Joliet, for example, the PACE card costs $5 and is good for the lifetime of the person who holds it. Depending on your parents abilities, I have a feeling you'll have to make the appointments for them, but it's still better than driving them all over.

As for the caregiver taking Mom to Wal-Mart, if you do get another caregiver, be clear with your expectations of the person. If you don't want the caregiver taking Mom shopping, make it clear from the start. On that note, if there's any way you can get medical POA, do it, right away. The state of IL has standard forms for both medical and financial POA that are at the SOS site and easy to fill-out. My other tip is that you can get the notarization for these done at places like UPS. UPS stores are usually in strip malls and they will ask their neighbor businesses to help and witness documents. But, call ahead to find out which of their hours they can notarize things with witnesses, because it's not necessary the entire time the UPS store is open.

Neither of these has to do with your real problem, which sounds like frustration. That's not going to go away so easily. If there's a caregivers support group around that you can go to in-person, I know it's just one more thing on your very long list of things to do, but most people find much comfort in going to groups with other live human beings. Give it a try. The other good thing is that by talking through your issues with other people in your own area, they will have ideas on programs in your area that might help you.
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Jeannegibbs is right. You can't sacrifice yourself or your job so you can take care of your parents. Crying all the time and being on probation at work are two signs that the current situation is not working. Caring for one parent is difficult enough but caring for both parents is completely overwhelming. Anyone would be overwhelmed in caring for both parents whose needs are very different.

I know you're very stressed out and who wouldn't be in your shoes? Are you able to take a Family Medical Leave from work so you can get all of this figured out? Many employers offer it under the Family Medical Leave Act. You get X amount of time off and you don't lose your job. With that time you can figure out the best solution for not only your parents but you especially. We can't live with unrelenting stress everyday. Our bodies and minds won't allow it. Something somewhere will break. It may be your health, or your job or your emotional wellbeing. Constant stress has a price.

Avail yourself of the services Jeannegibbs suggested, get other people in on what's going on. Just taking action can sometimes relieve our stress and depression. Do what you have to do to hang onto your job because being out of work will only add to your anxiety and that's the last thing you need right now.
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You may want to work for a different company ... but you do need to work, and you do need to retain your sanity, and do what is good for you, too. Now that your parents are in the same area you are, it may be time to arrange for them to live in a care center of some kind. It sounds like they both have dementia, and caring for them is NOT a one-person job.

Mom and Dad are worthy individuals. They are your parents. They deserve good care and a shot at the rest of their lives being as meaningful as they can be. But you, too, are a worthy individual, and also deserving of good care and a meaningful life. You have to provide for their care without sacrificing your own life. That is just not a good trade! Also it may be better for them in the long run if their care is managed by trained professionals and they have you to count on as a loving daughter rather than as a caregiver.

Figuring this out is too much to take on alone. Get assistance. Call your area agency on aging and/or your local social services department. Get a case worker to help you understand the options, programs available to help your parents, how to apply for them, etc. Also see an attorney specializing in Elder Care and discuss how best to protect and utilize their assets.

If you were independently wealthy (or your parents were) this would still be hard, but it would be less hard. The fact is, you have to work. So you have to have solutions that will allow and support that.

I wish you well on this difficult journey. Hook up with some professionals who have road maps!
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