My mom (94, with dementia), moved to a new memory care facility two months ago. It's a cozy, nice facility with just 14 residents. All meals are served at a communal dining table.
Mom has said that "no one talks at all" during meals. I've secretly observed this for myself. All I heard is the sound of silver wear clinking. Mom is very social; she said that she tries to start conversations but hasn't had much luck.
I'd like to approach the facility management to see if they would be willing to engage their staff to initiate some conversation-starters during meals. I don't know what to suggest though. Any ideas?
Thank you in advance!
Not memory care, at said facility, the "conversation" was the lady going to AL soon, the male resident complaining about being fed too early, one male resident playing an oldie song over and over again (quite loud), one male resident yelling "Where's the food?" . This happened at almost every meal Lol
besides, some of us enjoy silence and quiet time.
what does this place do for staff meals and snacks? My mom’s 2nd & eons better NH actually had the staff sit at tables with residents for lunch and dinner. They didn’t eat; it was more they had a drink and a snack. & was on the clock. Not breakfast as too busy with meds, laundry etc in the morning. They helped lead off conversations or redirect if things got weird. Or helped with feeding.
Also if mom is still able to be conversational, and seeks it out, I’m with the others that she may not be appropriate for MC. Why was MC chosen?
I will put more focus toward helping her get involved with the activities. Thank you.
I also agree that maybe your Mom is in MC too soon. Something to discuss with the admins.
By the time you get to memory care your Dementia is pretty progressed. With my Mom, she could not carry on a conversation. Her mind just went from one thought to another. She would say something, I would answer and she would give me that look that said "what are you talking about". Because her brain was onto another thought, that had flitted through her mind, having nothing to do with the last thought. So I stopped commenting. Would just let her go. It was funny one time, though. She was on one of these talk marathons, I said nothing, and she says "well I guess no one is listening to me". This is Dementia.
I really doubt that Mom would have coherent conversations with the other people. There is the part of Dementia where AL is not enough but the person is not advanced enough for Memory care. My Moms AL would have kept her as long as she was no problem.
Maybe after a meal see if there's a spot where people are chatting and your mom could join in.
So for the most part the dining room was quiet as these folks were concentrating on eating, which is a good thing as folks with dementia can easily choke on their food or even develop aspiration pneumonia from their food going into their lungs and not their stomach.
I'm not sure that this battle is one worth fighting. If your mom wants to socialize more she may have better luck one on one after the meal in the common area of the facility.
A game I play in the car when we car pool someplace is "one thing you may not know about me is..."
Swallow deficits are common in elders. Talking and eating don't mix well for them. Many of them do not want to eat with others and are more or less forced to do so in the circumstances. Conversations may go to things that trigger dissent and that would be disasterous for a bunch of strangers forced now to live with one another.
As my brother commented; "we are living like a 60s commune. We often disagree with everything from the amount of light coming in the windows to politics. And basically we don't always have much to say other than discussing our common and individual illnesses and watching the hearses and ambulances come and go". He gave a giggle, but there's truth to it.
Communal chatter in my own humble opinion is best left to the common room where there are usually puzzles, games, perhaps a TV in a section of the room.
This is just my opinion. Certainly there's nothing to prevent your discussing it with admin at the facility.