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I went through this with my Father in the end of May, 2024. My dad entered hospice on a Saturday and peacefully transitioned within 6 days. He had liver cancer and he told no one. He was 81. I became aware of death dulas. One exceptional author, @barbarkarnes. She is the author of many books to guide us through the death and dying process. I would start with "Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience". Prayers for you and your father.
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Reply to TrishaAlvis
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tcdwntwn: Pose your concerns to the social worker.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Just be with your dad and talk to him. Keep him comfortable. Tell him how much you love him. As your dad transitions, you will notice his breathing change. You may even notice his skin color is changing as well. Your dad can still hear you, so tell him how much you appreciate him. Even tell him some stories of the time you had together growing up. Reassure your dad that you will be looking for him and you will be reunited with everyone soon. Sorry for your loss.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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Hospice is now caring for Dad and will know him and his case much better than we do with so little information, so I would discuss this with their RNs, Aides, Clergy and Social Workers. I can but wish you the very best and hope end of life care is very peaceful for your Dad.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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It’s best to speak to hospice staff and also they can offer and get
support or counselling for you
Best to you at this challenging awful time
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Reply to Jenny10
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I’m sorry you’re in this place with your dad. My dad chose home hospice, we were blessed by a wise nurse throughout. She told me there were three signs of end of life being near, first was loss of all appetite, next was stopping communication, and last was sleeping a much deeper than normal sleep. For us, my dad last ate five days before he died, last spoke two days before, and the heavy, deep sleep was present for about three days. This is the time to just hold your dad’s hand. From what I saw with both my parents, being present for the actual moment they leave earth is highly overrated as death is very much a solo journey. The hospice nurse gently told me the day before my dad died “you need to understand your dad is already gone, his body just hasn’t quite gotten the message yet” It was so true. Something I’ll add, feel no pressure to talk if you can’t, it’s okay. For some reason people often put some weird pressure on others to talk to the dying. Mostly, be gentle with yourself, take breaks and rest. I wish you and dad both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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The hospice clergy or dad's own church will help you through this. Many a time they've been in this position. If you are non-religious, it doesn't matter, a blessing of peace and comfort is never the wrong thing to do. Dad might be going through the final stages, which could be scary. You don't have to go through this alone, I suggest you ask the clergy for help, asap. Good journey
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Reply to JuliaH
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You do not give any info on dad, why he is on Hospice and how long he has been on Hospice.
My Husband was on Hospice almost 3 years. Unusual but he continued to decline and was recertified each time according to Medicare guidelines.
He was non verbal the last 6 to 8 years of his life. He may have said 1 or 2 words here and there but he certainly was non communicative.
It was not until the last 1 to2 weeks or so that he really stopped eating and drinking.
His death was "unexpected" by that I mean he showed no typical signs of end of life. No skin mottling, some secretion's but not more than he had been experiencing the last 6 months or so, the Hospice even prescribed Atropine and I had been using that for about 1 year so not the typical "death rattle" that you would expect at end of life.

What you experience will be YOUR experience.
What your dad experiences will be HIS experience.
I think you should talk to the Hospice Nurse and ask her or him what is "typical" for your dad's condition.
I can tell you from my experience no matter what you know, no matter how close he is to death you will not be ready.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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The best people to discuss an individual's end of life journey with is Hospice themselves; that's what they are there for and will be more than happy to answer your questions per RN, Social Worker, Clergy. Best of luck, and I am sorry for the loss you are facing.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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The Hospice Nurse should help you with this question. She should also be around more often if he is actively dying. The Nurse should know when he is actively dying. First sign is he can no longer swallow. This means his body is shutting down and giving him water and food foes more harm then good. How long they can keep living like this depends on the person.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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This is really a question that you should ask your dads hospice nurse, as everyone's end of life's journey is different.
And just because your dad is now non-communicative, doesn't mean that you should stop talking to him, as he can still hear. In fact they say that hearing is the last sense to go, so make sure that you say everything you need to to your dad before it is too late, and enjoy whatever time you may have left with him.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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