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I am a live-in caregiver for my 95 year old father and my 76 year old sister who is suffering from cancer and effects of chemo. I rarely get to leave the house, so I have been using the internet excessively to somehow see and connect with the outside world. I stay up late online for hours when they are sleeping and get very little sleep. I have been clinically depressed for many years, and it seems to make me feel better for a short while. When things get bad here, the first thing I want to do is get online. I am definitely not at my best to take care of them, and I always feel hung over as if I had been drinking or something, but I just can't seem to avoid it. I do some design work online, and use it for necessary things like organizing appointments, bills, and supporting causes I care about, but one link leads to another. I was an addictions counselor years ago and I see some similarities between this and alcohol and drug addictions.

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I think you may need to rethink that. And why? Because it's going to eat up a lot of your time.
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Dear Chandra,

I can relate. It is hard being a full time caregiver. I know the day to day routine can overwhelm. It is only natural to look online an escape and to feel like you are doing something for yourself.

And especially since my father passed last year, I feel I am more addicted than before. I feel like there isn't a day that goes by where I don't get online. Try to find a better balance if you can. Try to get out the house even for a short walk might be helpful.

There are resources in the community and through church. You are certainly not alone in your thoughts and feelings.
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I was lucky. I had caregivers that came in and I could get out.
I was able to get out a few hours 3 or 4 days a week.
Strange as it sounds I used one of those days to volunteer at the Hospice that was caring for my Husband.
This was a way for me to "pay back" the wonderful care he got as well as TALK to people and feel useful.
Also one day a month I went to a Support group that helped me in more ways than I can count.

So if you can get to a support group that will help you a lot.
If you are a member of a church ask if they have a volunteer that will come and give you a break once in a while.

And ...
Have you thought about Hospice for any of the family members that you are a care giver for?
With Hospice you will get a Nurse that will come in once a week, a CNA that will come in a few times a week. You also have a Chaplain and a Social Worker that can help you.
Hospice is not just the patient but it is the entire family.
You will get the supplies and equipment that you need to make the care giving job much easier.

The internet is wonderful but you should not shut out real people. I know as a caregiver the friends you had before fall by the wayside, the get tired of asking if you want to go to dinner to be met with..I can't I have to take care of....
Call a friend up and ask if they can come by for tea, coffee or just a chat.
I am sure while they are there they will ask if there is anything they can do...people want to help they just don't know what to do. Tell your friend, as a matter of fact I need a few things from the store, next time you are there could you pick up a bunch of bananas and a dozen eggs. I bet it will not be a problem and when they return you can have a sit down chat again.
Keep a list of little things that need to be done so when anyone asks you can pull a "to do list" page off and hand it to them.
"We"as a society don't like to ask for help but oddly we want to help. So do your friends a favor and give them little things to do.
Oh, and if you don't have a dog and can manage it get one. Just getting out 3 times a day to walk a dog will help you and I bet you will talk to at least 1 person each day doing that.
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You’ve just described my life to a T.
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I have to check this board once a day and I get a lot of useful info from it along with some friendship. 

No Facebook, I just never wanted to have to keep up daily with something like that. I'm a private person and I don't want my whole life displayed on their pages. Hubby got it 5 years ago when he just about died from pneumonia. Lots of friends, family and coworkers wanted to wish him well or find out updates but had no way to do that. Being his c/g, I couldn't answer every email or phone call. When he got stronger he opened his account. He posts a few pictures of me on there (without my prior approval) and I go nuts. I only want the pictures that look good of me on there! Haha

I'm addicted to Amazon. It's so easy to shop from your computer and have it delivered right to your place. The bad part is that, when you go "dream surfing", the bill goes up! I would have never thought about those things had I not looked.

I get eye strain, which causes headaches, if I'm on the computer too long.

Caregiving is hard enough. Hang out on the computer (I-Pad, I-Phone, etc.) if you want to. Dear God, we've got to have SOME diversion.
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I don't have a smart phone and don't want one. I like my desktop PC and my home phone. No cable TV for me. I turn on regular TV at bedtime then usually fall asleep when attempting to watch something on PBS anyway. I have almost no use for mainstream media anymore. I keep a radio on in the kitchen daily for local news, weather and Limbaugh. I don't take a local paper anymore so if anybody I know has died, shame on me. I stream movies on the internet and will probably never pay to see a movie again. Night life doesn't interest me. I despise facebook other than looking at friends' and relatives' pictures, but I don't want their opinions or junk on my pages and just check on some of them occasionally. You tube is great for entertainment, hobbies, doing bible studies from a church I'd love to attend but live too far away from for now; that I do miss terribly but will change that when mom is gone and I feel truly free. I'm not a gamer. I get out of this house daily to walk for about an hour, rain or shine, then run errands if I want or need to. I could actually function without a car and have done so in the past since most things are very close by me.

Frequentflyer, you mentioned cemeteries and ancestry. I lost interest in that within a month. I did go to several cemeteries and found graves and made notes, but since most relatives who gave a hoot are dead now and the living ones could care less, it was in the end just depressing. God knows I don't want to put any money in it, lol. I do now walk several of the cemeteries in my town weekly because the hills are a challenge and I need to keep losing weight, lol.

If the grandnephew calls and wants a sandwich, I don't mind picking up lunch for him though I don't want any fast food myself. He's doing high school very happily on the internet (ECOT here in Ohio like thousands of kids do now) since he didn't do well in regular school for a variety of reasons. He's now back to being an A student, and he has a social life without all the crap that goes on in schools now; good for him.

I enjoy cooking and don't care about eating out anymore. I visit mom from about 4:30 daily till about 6:15 or so. Weekends are not much different. I actually enjoy my life since I retired in January and am comfortable with the situation. She's adjusted fine to this nursing home, an absolute relief for me. I'm not eager to volunteer anywhere right now and don't miss my job. I actually look forward to the future.  Addicted to the internet?  I don't really think so.  
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Absolutely, it is a form of escapism from the isolation we experience.
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FF, I recall readings years ago about the danger of dust on computer screens; apparently it picks up something radioactive in the internal components. It wouldn't surprise me.

If you buy any power tools and read the instructions, you might see the notices that the state of California has determined that the device contains lead. Reading a Verizon manual for my father's cell phone, I learned that the charging cord contained lead. So now I wash my hands after I touch the charger for my cell phone.

There are probably more side effects to tech gadgets than we realize, and won't know until the side effects begin showing up en masse.

Dorianne, excellent points about the superficial posts on FB. To me, it's the opportunity for 15 minutes plus unlimited time of fame, all generated by one's own image of self.

I think Zuckerberg discovered a major need (or weakness?) in people that generates this need to be so candid to people they've never met, and such a need to be "friended" and allegedly liked. It's just a game in my opinion, i.e., how many people can you friend and like?

This is way beyond the friendships that develop on forums.

That was also before I learned that greed was so dominant that ads from Russians attempting to influence the presidential elections were being accepted by the greedy owners. That to me is totally, completely unacceptable and very, very disgusting. It's an example of how greed dominates the operation of the website.

And I'm guessing that very few people actually read the TOS, by which readers grant excessive and intrusionary rights to FB to use their personal data.
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@RayLinStephens - I am big on computer gaming too! And I don't really care about whether I'm playing "too much," because it's very calming and a bit of an escape.

I did get sucked into Sims 3, and wound up buying all the expansions. (It was fun at first, like having a virtual dollhouse!) I agree with you about avoiding this! I waited for them to come on sale but I still wound up paying quite a bit. All for a game that ends up boring me, so that I never finish a game and just end up starting new ones.
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@Upstream - I hear you. I have a hard time with FB, and I like to joke that I don't have social anxiety, I have social media anxiety! I think it's especially hard because we caregivers spend a lot of time in our heads, too. Currently I am taking a bit of a break from FB. I think that's a good thing to do every once in awhile.

This site is helping me with that break, because it's like....FINALLY! Other people going through what I'm going through! Other people who don't just tell me what a "good daughter" I am and then forget about me. I've felt super stymied by FB lately, feeling unable to "complain" about my situation with my mom. It's almost felt oppressive in that way....or maybe suppressive is the better word.
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Chandraclaws I too found great comfort from using the Internet when I Cared for My Mother in Her own Home for 2 years & 9months. Considering that I was with Mom 24/7 x 365 and out side the boundary walls to Moms Home the World did not exist for Us,
Yet from my arm chair I was able to travel the World. During the day I never used the Internet, as it was night time for me. I am so
concerned for You Chandraclaw as You are Caring for Your 95 year old Dad + Your 76 year old Sister, hence You must be 77 or 78 years and this is so wrong. No way can You Care for One Member of Your Family full time, yet You are Caring for Your Dad & Sister.
Try to get Your Family together and make it known that You can not do this any more. Hoping They will see sense and get Your Dad and Sister into a full time Care Facility.
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I truly understand. I binge watch tv and am on my iPad soooo much. I justify it somewhat by doing quite a lot of online searching antd shopping for the best prices and products for my husband's needs. I can sit with him as he loves to watch sports, for which I have a very limited attention span in most cases. But... I also gain a lot of good information and connect with other caregivers, and professionals, subscribe to this site and to the Alzheimer's site, email friends and family and also connect on Facebook. It is not, I guess, the best way to "be" in the world, but it does help keep me sane. I admit that sometimes I just play solitaire or Yahtzee, but that is better than a cocktail! Right now, here I am, on this site-my house is picked up, wash done, soup on the stove and husband dozing next to me on the sofa. It works for me.
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If I didn't have my computers and tablets, I would go 'stark raving mad' - yes you read that right, 2 computers and 4 tablets. Mostly I play games (free games) and it relaxes my brain. Even when I sleep, DH will wake me as he can't always get up by himself.

Am I addicted? Don't know and don't care. We do what we need to do in order to cope with the situations at hand. You didn't ask to be a caregiver and if playing online helps you to cope - go for it. Just don't get hooked into the games that will bleed you dry $$. There are plenty of free games available, especially on the computer.

Hugs honey, we're all in this together.
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Dorianne: yes, I feel the same way about Facebook and I know that for a lot of people it's sort of a "branding" type of thing, putting an image out there that they want people to think is their life. Still, the travel and weekend activities that people are able to do amazes me. At 50 I am pretty much unable to venture more than about an hour radius around my home, and not for fun stuff, just taking care of responsibilities. I know Facebook can cause the blues and I think there is actually a name for the feelings. It's hard not to get sucked in and start to feel like your life is really crapola.
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P.S. - Google Earth is AMAZING. That's how I like to see the "outside world" now, lol.  I'm pre-planning my future as the kooky spinster who travels around with a guitar and a cat on a leash. :-D
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@Upstream - people call it "Fakebook" for a reason. People mostly post a very thin veneer of their lives - only the very, VERY best of what's going on for them  - and will actually outright LIE in order to make themselves look happier, more successful, more secure, etc., than they really are. There have been actual studies on how much people lie or embellish on Facebook! (I'm not sure the exact number, but I read something like 90% of people lie on FB to make themselves look better.) It's a big Fakey McFake-a-thon. Don't take it to heart. Everybody has "stuff." They just don't share it on FB. 

I can definitely say for a fact the people I know who post all the time on FB about how wonderful and amazing their relationships are....are the people who are the most insecure about their partners and/or have major relationship problems.  And the people I know who have the most secure and happy relationships barely say tickety-boo about it on FB.  They don't feel the need to try to convince people they're happy.  They just are.
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I am so tied down by so many things that I use Facebook as a way to see the "outside" world. Although I have unfriended so many people because I am jealous of the opportunities they have for fun, travel, and just living life. That can make me very depressed. I totally relate to your dilemma!
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Now a days I see parents walking their kids around the block, and sure enough the Mom or Dad is on their cellphones while the child is trying to get their attention. Same with people who walk their dogs.... there seems to be a disconnect.

I find the ring tones on so many Smartphones makes me jump out of my skin. My sig other just got his first Smartphone after having a flip phone for many years. He is still trying to figure it out. The thing is always ringing with news updates. Honestly, I really don't care what Hollywood is doing :P I still have my flip phone.

Oh, there has been a British medical study that the ring tones and taping on the cellphone for texting may cause seizures in older pets. My cat had a grand mal seizure, his first, last week, and I believe it was all the noise from a football game sig other was watching, all the whistles and horns. All the noise just confused his little noodle brain of his.
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@Rainmom - I always thought of YouTube as the Bermuda Triangle of the internet. I so relate!

Edit:  one of mom's home support workers confessed last night to being a YouTube comment troll, lol!  I always wondered who those folks were!
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I was just thinking of both my parents' TV habits throughout their lives , which I always considered addiction, and wondering if the internet is just the "next generation" of technology addiction!
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To much of a coincidence not to share.

I’m sitting on the deck - coffee, cigarettes and online... hubby is inside about 15’ away, separated by a mere sliding glass door... hubby wanted to tell me something- he texted me.
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I'm glad that I have held off on Facebook. People may think that I'm quite crazy, but, I have no desire to have anything to do with it.

What bothers me the most, is that kids seem to have lost so much of their parent's attention, because they are too obsessed with the internet. And for these parents to spend so much time online, they sure don't seem to find much that's helpful, like children's nutrition, education or development. It's just useless garbage that doesn't benefit their kids at all. Okay. Rant over.
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I think we're all addicts, to a point. I hop on the computer first thing in the am to catch up with the kids via our private Group me, I come over here (I think Dorkers 6 month soap opera was oddly fascinating....she seems to have been helped, thank goodness) but I can turn it off and walk away.

My Dh is completely and utterly hooked on FaceBook. I finally took his phone away from him during dinner and threw it into the next room (gently) and said "You can live for 15 minutes with FB. I'll wake up at 2 am and he is furtively texting and scrolling. He got into FB just before the elections last year and now he is angrily defending his beliefs all day and night. Also just being a jerk to people---so I have challenged him to stay off for 2 days as a trial run and he could not do it.

The internet is a great way to get information and connect with people. If it is taking a toll on your personal life, then I think it's a problem.
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I’ve said it before - I’m so glad I didn’t have the internet when I was a child or teenager. I would have become a grey, pastey mole - never leaving the house, sitting in my room with the glare of the computer screen being my only source of light.

As it is, I’m a complete geek about googling anything- everything. A random thought will enter my mind - “I wonder when civilization discovered coffee...” let’s just google that!

YouTube is a black hole. I’ll go to look up something I need - something useful- how to change the head on my vacuum cleaner... but noticing all the topics listed to the side leads to one click - then another - and I find myself watching videos of a cat in a shark costume riding a roomba - and four hours has passed.

I also develop obsessions for a particular niche. Right now it’s Airbnb. I look at all the different places to stay all over the world - looking at the decor, the uniqueness of a place - a treehouse in Bali, a cave-house on Santorini...

First thing in the morning - every morning? A cup of coffee, a couple of cigarettes and a quick sweep through my gaming sites - collecting my free tokens and boosters.

I suspose there are worse addictions- coffee and cigarettes, for instance...
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My mistake was getting a IPad mini which is too easy to take to bed! I need to break the habit cause I read beyond sleepiness and then am awake half the night.
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There will sometimes be days that I don't go online at all. Usually on weekends and holidays when I'm running around town, entertaining or working. I find that I enjoy those times. I think I rest better. I might try to a trial period of just going offline for a weekend and see how it feels.
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I was an early adopter of the internet, so I don't even know. I still have a flip phone instead of a smartphone because I've been waffling on switching for 7 years, but it's probably a good thing I don't have a pocket computer like that. But I can't imagine life without my laptop. The internet changed my life! The access to information, the things I could do, the people I could reach....I think there are incredibly positive things about it. And right now, when I'm kind of trapped in my mother's apartment most of the time, and I'm never gonna crochet....it helps pass the time and sometimes I learn stuff, which is good.

They do say the blue screen light interferes with sleep patterns, and maybe that enables the addictive side of it....you're not sleepy, so you decide to stay online a little longer, just one more scroll....there is free app that changes the screen light in the evening (I swear I don't work for or know anyone at the company):

/justgetflux.com/
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Raising hand, yes me too. My hobby use to be politics and I would do a ton of research to have on hand to counter-point issues with others on political forums.

Then when I had the journey with my parents helping them for 7 years, I had to give up much of my political hobby as I was just too tired. Sad, as I had really enjoyed political activity. Then I found Aging Care. Any time I found I had some free time, it was Aging Care that I went to.... then at work, when things were slow, yep, was on Aging Care.

Since my parents had passed, I started spending mega, and I mean mega time on Ancestry doing research. Yes, I was gaining a lot of information but I was over doing it. It wasn't like I had a deadline, I had just became OCD about it.

It was all an escape. I now have time to do politics again, but this season politics has become out of control, and I just don't want to dive into that pool at this time. Cemeteries and tombstones of past relatives are more interesting :P
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I recently listened to a guy called The Sleep Doctor. That's the name of his website. Dr Michael Brues (pronounced Bruce).
He said that the computer, cell phone or iPad light is good in the mornings to help you wake up but not good at night because it can stimulate your brain and keep you awake.
I notice I don't read as much as I used to. I'm addicted to books. I still want to own them. Buy them etc. But they pile up on me unread. I can't stand to get rid of them. I have a Nook reader but have never used it. I love the look and feel of books. But with limited free time I'll pick up my cell phone and tap away.
If I read a book at night. I'll get sleepy and go to sleep which is a good thing. If I get on the computer I'll get hooked on tracking something down and sleep is elusive. So it might be your brain being kept awake chandraclaws by the technology.
Plus what you are doing is extremely stressful and you need escape. There are worse things to be addicted to but it sounds like you are giving yourself a talking to about it. A " wake up" call. Smile
You have a lot of responsibility. And proper sleep has been discovered to be the number one thing on the list to keep us healthy. I've been scheduled for a sleep study for several months and keep putting it off. I think because I know all I have to do is listen to Dr Brues and I'll not have a problem.
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I think that I have become an internet addict and AC is the main place that I visit. Since I'm not as extroverted as I used to be, this is a great way to keep in contact with people.
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