I need to understand how to be a support to a spouse at end phase CHF. How do I stay positive with the many mood swings from my spouse?

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My hubby’s heart doctor tells us he doesn’t know how he is still alive with his heart as bad as it is. My husband now does dialysis to relieve the fluids on his lungs and heart. I look at him and he looks bewildered, sad, mad. He bosses me. He snaps at me.


He thanks me. He loves me. He hates me. He tells me I am nuts and that I need help. He says things to me and can’t remember he said them to me. Inside I feel like a failure as a support to him. Inside a part of me is dying. Inside I love him. Inside I get mad at him for being mean to me. Inside I tell myself, “what If it was me going thru what my husband is going thru? How would I be?”


It was easy yet hard for us in February 2018 when we were asked for Hospice to come and my husband chose to fight to live and declined Hospice. Now some days I just feel like he wants to fight. This past year we have been positive and worked together in support with love, patience and energy. Now it seems we have love, yet patience seems little. Same with energy. Yet anger is visiting us.


How do we get a grip on our days left on this earth? How do I deal with the confusion. Has anyone else felt what we are going thru?

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So, he'd be angry. What is wrong with that?

It's what he NEEDS.. For YOUR sanity!

Have you read Atul Gawande's On Being Mortal?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Thank you both for your response . He would be so angry at me if I asked to have him mentally evaluated . I just keep praying God advice on how to deal or talk to him will come my way
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Reply to UnsureIsMe
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I agree about discussing his behavior with his doctor. I'd explore all help that you can get with his care. Perhaps a mental evaluation could determine if he's going through these emotions in response to his poor health and prognosis or if he's incurred cognitive decline. But, either way, I'd try to get him treatment for his mental anguish.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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Have you talked to his doctor about his change in mental status?

CHF can lead to vascular dementia, which robs one of critical thinking and reasoning skills.

Your husband may benefit from meds for his agitation and anxiety. Please reach out to his doctor today.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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