My husband is a senior who is 25 years older than me. We have a baby. When we met he was vibrant and youthful, but suffered a heart attack and complications during open heart surgery. Today, nearly two years post-op, he non-stop complains - every day about everything. I am busy taking care of our very active toddler and working from home and trying to remain patient, but it is intensely frustrating!! He refuses to seek help from his doctors. Any ideas are welcome!!

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So sorry you are dealing with this! He is no doubt very agitated that he has had healt issues! He felt so young because your younger and now his age has caught up with him! (I am 21 yrs younger than mine) just speculating of course but I know my husband would definitely feel.

I have had to mom my mom back in with us and I believe this time it’s permanent it’s putting a huge strain on us too I have 2 capable sisters that could give me a break but nope that’s not happening!

I finally signed up for up for a women’s fellowship group that touches all subjects! I ll pray for ya! My advice is pray a lot! Hugs!
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Sometimes when there's a heart attack the brain doesn't get all the oxygen it needs and there is some "minor" damage that may not be easily apparent. My father had several TIAs that eventually led to his vascular dementia but I still remember those early days when the changes were very small and not all that noticeable to most people.

The first thing I noticed was that Dad "forgot" a one hour plus conversation we had one evening; just a couple of days later he didn't remember it at all. Dad had a very sharp memory - often remembering the details on transactions or homes he had built decades prior - so any memory loss was very notable. This convinced me Dad was having TIAs but unfortunately the rest of the family (who hadn't personally experienced this yet) didn't believe me.

The second thing I noticed was a slight change in personality. Dad was an achiever and focused on/busy with his interests. He had a temper but wasn't particularly easily irritated - until he was. Optimistic Dad became pessimist Dad. He became more emotional and started crying at sad TV/movie scenes. He stopped attending funerals.

If any of this sounds familiar then you need to consider that your husband may have experienced a brain injury that results in depression. He may not able to fully recover from his heart attack and surgery without some medication. People that can accept diabetics need insulin, or people need thyroid for life because their bodies don't make enough still have a hard time accepting that some people may need to take medication for depression because their body just doesn't make the right chemicals in the right amounts anymore. Your husband may be one of them.

You might find it easier to talk him into couples counseling for post-coronary patients than address depression head on. A good counselor will get there soon enough if that's the problem.
Helpful Answer (3)

Is your husband now disabled? Have you asked him why he’s so unhappy? Is he not feeling well? Was he on board with you having a child? Are there money issues? Is he feeling useless and ignored because you are busy with the child?

You can’t help if you don’t know what the problem is. Try speaking with him in a calm and loving way. Tell him you’ve noticed he’s not happy and ask if there’s anything you can do.
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