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I haven't been on here for a few months. My life with my husband has been very rocky to say the least.


As of December of 2017 he stopped taking all his medications and has stopped seeing his doctors. He doesn't even take a baby aspirin nor does he see his primary care doctor just to keep us updated on his condition.


He will be 84 in November. Since being off his medications (against his doctors orders) he is doing quite well physically and mentally. (I have to say that this has been amazing to me and makes me take a second look at the medical field). But because he won't even consent to see his Primary Care Doctor just to see how he is doing is harder on me than anything else, because there is no way of knowing whether he will live one more day or another 5 years.


He does get weak and over tired when he exerts himself. He has almost lost all his capabilities now of walking, but still refuses to use a wheelchair. He uses a cane and when he needs to step up on a curb he puts his hands on my shoulder and pulls himself up. He won't allow me to take his arm and help him up, he uses me as another "cane".


I turned down another offer from a Senior Citizen Apartment Building I wanted to move to, and it wasn't because I care what happens to my husband. The fact is that I can only have one pet there and I have two pets that are my children. They both are old. One is a cat who is 16 years old and her name is Lulu. And then there is Munchie, the dog, and she is going on 12.


I could never live with myself not knowing what ever happened to Munchie if I left her behind. Both animals were rescued animals so I don't know for sure their true age, they maybe older. Munchie was a baby when we got her, so I think she is around 12, but Lulu, I think she's older than what I think. So, I'm biding my time with the true souls that love me, my babies, Munchie and Lulu.


Please know that I don't give a hoot about my husband anymore. Anything I ever felt for him, whether it being sorry for him, or forgiving him, is all gone now. There is nothing left. As long as I live in the same house with him, in order to have peace, I will take care of him, as much as he allows me to do physically for him, until he dies or one of the animals pass away. I am use to being his donkey, his go fetch person, his bookkeeper, caregiver, problem solver and I don't expect any respect from him or have any false misconceptions that he cares a hoot about me or ever had.


All I know, is that I will do what I have to do to keep the only two things in this life who loves me, safe!


I thought about taking them both with me and renting an apartment. But I don't have enough in savings to last any length of time. Apartments are expensive. If only the Senior Apartments would allow 2 pets I would have been gone a long time ago. That's the only thing holding me back.


How I wish that the Senior Apartments wouldn't consider a cat being a problem. Cat's don't need to be taken outside to do their stuff. But dogs do !!! Dogs are much more hard to take care of in an apartment than a cat. If only they knew that my life really depends upon them allowing me to have a dog and a cat.


And then there is the issue, that if I left my husband today, he would have no car. We only have one car now. Even though he can't drive I'm afraid, that legally, If I left him, the law would consider me abandoning him.


Even though I know many older people with health issues who don't have a car and have to call a shuttle, how would it legally look if I deliberately left a man who is 84 years old, with cancer and multiple illnesses, but doesn't go to the doctors or takes meds and can't drive and has a form of dementia.


So, since I last wrote, I'm still in the same place, waiting for something to happen.


Thanks for listening!

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My husband stopped going to the doctors in December of 2017 and stopped taking all his meds. at that time as well. The doctors keep telling me there is nothing they can do about it. That's his decision and he has been diagnosed with some memory loss but not officially diagnosed with dementia or alzheimers.

Thank you though for trying to help me.
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When husband is hospitalized and rehab is suggested, have him go. Even if he doesn't want to tell them you cannot care for him. While there have him evaluated for LTC. If its found he qualifies, again, you cannot care for him. Start the Medicaid process. You will not be left destitute. You can allow the NH to do his laundry. He'll be well taken care of and you will have a life. You can visit if you choose.
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Thank you for sharing and telling me you understand and are there too.

It's tough to be trapped. And trapped we are. We are survivors, but never free. Because we usually get involved with someone just like the person we want to leave, because we feel comfortable in that situation. We don't know what true freedom is like. We feel we don't deserve it. It feels strange.

But some of us do escape. And some do make it. One day I promise you I will make it. It's just not today.
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Nancy, I am so very sorry for your situation. And I understand exactly how you feel. My husband is bedridden for no discernible reason. He’s had scores of tests and 7 neurologists can’t find a reason for his complete immobility. I do everything but feed him.

Like you, I am only here because of my (also rescued) animals. I have 4 cats and 1 large dog. I might have a chance at a condo if Brodie was a small dog, but she is a Shepherd-Lab mix. Most rentals don’t accept pets anyway. Brodie is not social. She would need much training and socialization and to be brutal, rescues don’t have the time or staff to work with her. She would be put down.

My husband and and I fight constantly now. We have horrific financial issues. I can be very nasty to him. He’s had me jumping this week because he constantly feels like he has to have a bowel movement but nothing happens. Like you, I do it all. I’ve spent this week collecting and filling out documents and forms for a Medicaid Waiver. I also have to fill out documentation for the IRS because we owe on our taxes. I haven’t slept at night for years.

We fall all through the cracks, you and I. People say we should get therapy and take care of ourselves. I, myself have written that to other posters. In truth, that’s a load. I haven’t been able to afford a hair salon in a year and my hair looks like it. My husband actually told me a few months ago that I should go to the corner bar by myself. The situation seems so hopeless that I have to think things have to get better because they can’t get any worse. Unfortunately then they do.
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That's a very sad situation. I'm glad you vented!
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After all you have been through I think I know how you feel. Some of those days when I have been the 'donkey' as you say...I can relate.
I wonder often how long I have to be 'the good wife' and do everything for my ill husband.

I do get it.
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