My DH has entered a new phase with caregiving. He refuses to do anything. He has decided that he can lay in bed and not go anywhere or interact with anyone other than me.
When he goes to his VA appointments [I drive him] he is pleasant and interacts nicely with the OT/PT people, the doctors, and is able to walk from one end of the VA facility to the other.
OT ... PT and his doctor tell him, to assist with your depression you need to be more active, you need to move and try to do things. He agrees.
Medical history for hubby: PTSD, Hypertension, Throat Cancer[past], COPD, PVC [premature ventricular contractions of the heart], Vascular Dementia, and the big killer, Major Depressive Disorder [depression has been a constant battle to fight with for over 20 yrs.]
We have med changes occurring soon for the MDD and Vascular Dementia.
When at home, He Can't Come Out of the House. Period.
Each day I've tried something different.
"I need you to move your mother's car so I can mow around it." Nope. Can't walk to it.
"Can you call the repair shop to make an appointment for your truck?" He pushes the piece of paper to the side and ignores it.
"Today would be a good day for a shower!" Nope. Too tired, too shaky, or don't need one.
He is super apathetic all day long.
He gets up off and on during the day and when he hears me in the house [I have a small farm and many responsibilities to care for outside, but check in often]...He asks me to make him something to eat.
Yesterday I had enough. The sandwich meat was there, the bread was there, everything was handy. I was processing green beans and sweet corn from the garden and doing some other work.
I told him to make his own lunch [he ate some crackers and chips instead], when supper time came he whined that he didn't like what we had so I put it away and said 'Make your own.'
[I think he ate crackers ~ bad me!]
I got to the breaking point and told him I was going to go for a walk. I wanted to yell and scream at him to get his butt moving and at least make an effort to move, to go outside...anything!
He is capable of moving, and of doing. He has decided that at home he cannot. I tell him he will just get weaker and he promised the doctors and physical therapy that he would move.
He is up most of the afternoon and evening and by bed time he is quite animated and talkative which is nice.
I am exhausted from farm work and caregiving all day.
He then gets it in his head to 'get intimate', then angry because I am not in the mood.
He has been evaluated for Dementia, for movement, for driving, for depression, and for all of his physical issues. He is not in that bad of shape.
So Can He or Can't He really get out and about? Could he really move outside and help?
No real answers.
So I just go day by day and get frustrated one day, angry, resentful, then hopeful and kind full of being sweet and nice...the nice wife.