Is it normal at some point not to care? - AgingCare.com

Is it normal at some point not to care?

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I am a 22 year old woman, who's been caring for a middle aged wheelchair bound woman with severe spinal damage along with a host of other health problems for almost 5 years now. Over the course of last year and this following year, I've noticed that I've become much more reclusive especially without the use of my car at the moment. I spend days which turn into weeks staying home, doing the housework, taking care of our animals, making dinner, making sure her hygiene needs as well as all of her physical and some of her emotional needs are met, and playing secretary to things she can clearly keep track of if she tried. I catch myself forgetting to take showers regularly, since I figure no one is going to see me anyways, I mean I don't get out for errands either anymore. I don't bother with the idea of getting good sleep, since it's either interrupted constantly or she decides to go to bed late which is always. I even stopped with the idea of meeting new people or hanging out altogether along with having leisure time to go to the book store since it's interrupted by whatever is inconveniencing her (her foot, she's too hot, she needs another blanket ect.). I've stopped bringing my friends over to the house since she has a tendency to literally third wheel me with my own friends and partners by over talking and by being overly inviting in a certain sense. Funnily enough though, she will rarely complain when I'm either home or running errands. I never care when she gets upset with me because I slept through the night and didn't hear 10 of her calls and texts asking for her catheter to be fixed or I didn't listen to her about which CVS coupon to use through the app, or even if I handed her her pills late for an event since I always feel the argument is one sided anyway and she can freely become the "injured party" then proceed to tell me how she is my job, responsibility and heaven forbid if I should say something in slight dissagreement, I am reminded (rarely) that I am "uneducated" or "the beckon call girl", so whatever answer I give isn't respected and is barraged with heavy questioning along with her diatribes about how her body hurts, how miserable she was, and what disscomforting thing happened and most importantly how hurt she is. So far, I have been in this house for close to maybe 2 months this year and a year and a half last year and I can't remember for the life of me when the last time I had respite, I keep thinking it was maybe around christmas, even then sometimes it's not a true respite. I have this overwhelming desire now to just leave maybe through something fatal or to maybe just vanish. I hate doing mundane things like going through facebook,and being reminded that life is moving swiftly with the added slap that I barely even recognize some of my friends and family. I am currently shooting for some ideas of how to get out of such a trap and get my car fixed or at least have money for some other means of transportation.

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Are you getting paid?

Don't forget how your mother pretty much kicked you out when she remarried. Don't take her in when she's old and ailing!
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Reply to CTTN55
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Yes, it is normal to not care anymore when you are burned out and depressed. Sleep disruption can cause depression all by itself. You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible and get started on building a life for yourself. A 24/7/365 work schedule and verbal abuse from your mentally intact employer are not parts of a "normal" care giving job.

Please find someplace to stay and give a short notice (one week) to your employer and since she's disabled provide APS with a copy of your notice too.

Query your family and friends for someone who would let you crash on their couch for a few weeks (maybe use FB and or a local minister) while you find a temporary job and save some money. If you cannot get your car fixed before you leave, make sure to tow your car off your employer's property - maybe park it at a friends or a local church will let you park it in the back of their lot for a while. You could consider selling the car to raise some money too.

If you have been living in Richmond long enough to qualify for in state tuition (12 months the day classes start or special arrangement with the college), please consider relocating to a state university or community college town. Often there are small cheap apartments and waitressing or cleaning jobs close enough to campus to commute with a bike. Often the admissions office can help you find an apartment and a job. Apply for admission and financial aid for fall classes!

Even out of state tuition at state universities or technical schools isn't too bad - you will probably qualify for financial aid that will cover tuition.

Working a full time job for your living expenses while attending classes is challenging - but it's easier than what you are doing now.
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Reply to TNtechie
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I was not responsible for moving her to Richmond, that was an effort made by her son and her ex husband. I moved with her since I got the impression from my biological mother that she did not want me home and that I was going to strain her new life more or less, who is perfectly healthy
and even if she did need looking after I would not be the one to do so. Also a thing to mention the lady I'm taking care of did and still sort of offers maternal stability but she gets stuck and in the way of herself so often that it doesn't feel nor does it equate to caring. This has been allowed to continue simply because I became used to it I suppose, it just sort of fell into a rythm and pattern I just sort of began over looking these signs in the beginning.
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Reply to Msdenise
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In your profile you state that you take care of your mother. So this woman is someone you didn't even know before you were asked to do this? Do you take care of your mother, too?

So you moved stepfather's friend to Richmond? Were you responsible for all of that, or did someone else (your stepfather?) help? I'm just confused, trying to understand how all of this came to be (and, more importantly now, why it has continued).
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Reply to CTTN55
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Do you have ANY other family? Anyone who could let you crash on their couch for maybe a month while you look for work? Living in a crappy apartment with 4 other girls your own age and working as a waitress would be way more fun than this!
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Reply to XenaJada
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To answer a question here (I don't know how to induvidualy respond to one). I got into this situation when I was 18. My biological mother was newly married and sort of wanted me out of the house as soon as I graduated, I had no real path at the time despite my interest in going to a nearby community college. And so she (my mother) thought it would be best to get me to help take care of this woman that was a deep friend of her current husband. Sure enough it proved to be a great match and I stayed way longer than the supposed 3 months since I at that point made a decision to move out and stay with what I was doing but things sort of began to deteriorate when she (th patient) needed to move to Richmond from Aberdeen N.C. due to the separation from her estranged husband. So in essence this is the short answer
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Reply to Msdenise
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"I have this overwhelming desire now to just leave maybe through something fatal or to maybe just vanish."

Go to an emergency room or to your county's hospital and advise them of the desperation you are feeling. You need to get out of this situation. I'm so sorry this is happening.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Do you live with your mother? How did you get into this awful situation?
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